Our Foster Journey

Morning chat with a case manager

2012-02-29T09:29:00.002-05:00

Baby M's case manager came to pick her up today for her visit. I was hoping she would because I wanted to ask her about what she thought would happen at court on the 16th. I've been preparing myself that M would be going to the aunt. I asked the case manager where they were with the home study. She told me they were still waiting on a couple of documents from the mom/aunt and her supervisor has not approved it yet. I said something about the judge recommending M be placed with the aunt. She kind of casually stated, yes, it would have to be the judge making that recommendation because they (the case manager and her attorney) would be recommending TPR! Ummm, ok, that totally threw me. I wasn't exptecting that at all.

Now we wait until the 16th to hear what the judge has to say for baby M. I really never thought we would get to TPR. There have been so many family members, I figured eventualy one would be "good enough".

As for K, there is court in April. I still haven't heard of an attorney stepping up to be her Guardian.

For now, we wait......

The Boys....

2012-02-27T11:14:00.002-05:00

Oh my. Ya'll this weekend was hard! (For my family, no worries, I'm good.) I know there are many out there who read this blog to see, hear, and know what this foster care world is all about. Well here it is, its HARD!

I think I have honestly been living the easy life these past two years. Taking in newborns is easy. They just want to be fed, held, changed, and loved. Taking in a 20 month old and a soon to be 3 year old who speaks no English, understands very little English, ahhhhh!!!! Throw in the fact that they can escape their crib in two seconds flat and it made for a very looonnngggg weekend!

Thanks to some wonderful advice and breaking some foster care "rules" for the sake of sanity, and we have had a very pleasant Monday morning. The boys have slept all night for the past two nights. Yeah!! I have a plan to work through some of these "no no's". Its just going to take time. They are scared and they need each other for comfort.

I don't regret for one minute taking these boys in. They came from some yucky stuff. They are safe here. They will be loved here. They have toys to play with, 3 meals a day with some snacks in between, and most importantly consistency!!

Ok, three 1 year olds is kind of tuff. I don't have three hips or 3 hands but we will get by. I won't be leaving the house much accept to take advantage of the days when "someone" is on a visit. I wil schedule my errands during those times. When my husband and big girls are home, things are definitely more "manageable".

I know in a couple weeks things will be looking a lot different. I have already seen some positive changes just in the past 24 hours.

Just when I thought my job was "easy"

2012-02-24T10:53:00.002-05:00

I say yes to a set of brothers. Not just any brothers. A one and two year old out of a sibling group of 4. Brothers who have only been spoken to in Spanish. Brothers who both had tummy issues. A 1 year old covered in bug bites. Of course all I knew was that I was getting a one year old and two year old. I found the rest out at 10:15 last night. Altogether they had to find a home for a 6 month old, 1 year old, 2 year old, and 4 year old. Because I said yes to the 2 year old, they appoved a waiver for the one year old. What was I thinking you ask? 4 little boys needed a place to stay. They needed someone to hold them and tell them they will be ok. Of course we couldn't take all 4. I don't think I am meant to be the mom of 4 boys. I think God is "trying me out" to see if I am fit to be the mom of two boys and 4 girls.....Yikes!

The boys are so confused. They don't understand why they are in this strange place with a lady speaking in a strange language. The two year old (Mr. J) is so quiet and reserved. I'm assuming his name is pronounced differently in spanish than in English becuase he does respond to it at all. The one year old (Mr. A) is busy, into everything, and has heard the word "no" probably way too much, oh and he is a crib climber!!! It was a long night resulting in very little sleep for me, Ron, and a certain crib climber last night. I have since aloud him to climb out of his crib and into his brother's at nap today. They napped together that way. I guess that is the security he needs right now. Per the "system" they are to be in their own beds. I can't, however, stop them from climbing out and into each other's bed.

How are the girls taking this boy invasion. My big girls take it all in stride. Since they are "babies" the big girls just go on about their normal business. Baby M, on the other hand, is very jealous. She is a momma's girl and does not like to share her momma. Baby K just needs some reassurance every once in a while. Otherwise she just goes about playing as usual.

It doesn't sound like there is any potential family to take the boys. So it looks like they may be here a while. Maybe they will be my first reunification. All my placements that have left have all gone to family before their parents could complete their case plan. Guess we will just have to wait and see what happens with these guys.

And then there was two....

2012-02-22T17:23:00.002-05:00

We have had Ms. I for almost 3 weeks. I was told on day 2 that they were doing a homestudy on an uncle. When 6pm rolled on by that Friday evening I pretty much summed up that she wasn't going anywhere for the weekend. The following Tuesday the CPI clarified that they were doing a home study on the great aunt. Again, days went by and I heard nothing. We met the case manager, she didn't know anything. It took them going to court today for the case manager to hear, yes she is going to the great aunt, and you (the case manager) are taking her. I got a phone call @ 1:45pm telling me she is leaving. By 3:20pm she was gone. I had to pack her stuff while the case manager waited becuase she had been napping. The case manager knew she came with nothing and was impressed by how much she left with. The case manager also told me that they had asked the mom if she had a picture of her daughter while at court. The case manager told me it was clear that the picture she was showing them was from one of her visits where I had dressed her :) We loved her while she was here. She was a sweet girl. I hope she does well with her aunt!

On to K and M.

There is not much going on with K. She didn't go on a visit this week because her transporter is no longer working for her agency and they failed to find someone else to take her.

As for little miss M. Her family is really starting to annoy me! Her dad still has not contacted her case manager. I think it has been since Christmas that he has seen his baby. So sad to work for so long towards getting your child and then ultimately just give up! As for mom, she and her sister are frustrating me. Last week M's visit was cancelled because mom had an appointment. This week, they could only visit for an hour instead of two because the aunt had something to do. On top of that, 9am was too early, the visit needed to start at 10:30. I totally went off at the transporter. I asked her since when does my life have to revolve around them? This was never a problem when it was just mom. Now that the aunt is in the picture, she thinks she can dictate everything. This baby has been with me for 14 months! I should be the one telling everyone what is convenient for me!

I am drained and it is only Wednesday. Thankfully the rest of the week looks very quiet. No appointments. Hopefully no other craziness will go on(although I won't hold my breath).

On a side note, Miss I hadn't even left yet and my licensing agency was trying to place another child here. Unfortunately it was a baby and while I would have LOVED to take HIM, we still have two under two and that is all we are legally aloud to have in that age range. So I guess there is always a chance they will find "someone" to fill our empty bed by the end of this week :)

Court - Not what I was hoping for

2012-02-08T13:36:00.002-05:00

We get into court today. K's mom and her attorney. The mom's case manager and guardian ad litem. K's case manager and attorney. Me and my FDS.

First up, why are we at court? Mom's attorney finally spoke up and said she thinks its to do with K not being assigned and attorney ad litem. Then it goes back and forth about the attorney's office discharged the case. The guardian ad litem office says she doesn't qualify....blah, blah, blah. The judge speaks up, "Want to reassess this in 6 months?". I looked at my FDS and mouthed WHAT???? Nooooo, I don't want to wait six months to figure out if this baby can have somebody stand up for her in court. You might as well just say 5 months. At least then mom is an adult and you can start treating her like one! So finally our case manager's attorney spoke up and said how about 2 months. Grrrr.

So then the judge started asking about mom and mom's sister. I get so frustrated at the fact that this court hearing was for baby K. Baby K only!! Her case and her mom's case should be two seperate things. But its not. They should have two seperate judges. But they don't. So the hearing was pretty much over. No one said anything about mom's letter to me regarding her plan for an open adoption. The court hearing had pretty much been pointless.

The judge made a last comment to K's mom and then K's mom said, "I have a plan". This intrigued the judge. So he inquired. She told him that if she appealed and it didn't work then she wants me to adopt baby K (she pointed to me while she was talking). The judge told her there was nothing to appeal right now. She said she knew. So basically, K's mom wants the case to go to trial. If it goes to TPR, she then wants to appeal. If that doesn't work she told the judge she wants me to adopt K because K has bonded with us and she knows we will take good care of her.

So, mom is going to drag this out. Fine. Baby K is still not going anywhere. As we were walking out I told the guardian, my case manager, and my FDS that I would continue to communicate with mom. Maybe I can someway get to a point to where I can feel comfortable suggesting that she can just voluntarily surrender her rights. I'm not sure if she even knows she can do this. I'm not there yet. I have a lot of communicating to do first. But if it is what I am supposed to do, I will know when the right time is.

God is good at the whole perfect timing thing. Ya, I still trust Him more than anyone with this little girl's life. I know it will all turn out just like it is supposed to.

Written with Love

2012-02-06T13:52:00.002-05:00

So today is the day. My one chance at responding back to baby K's mom's letter. I wrote it this morning. It left with baby K about 10 minutes ago. I'm thankful today's visit is just with baby K and her mom. Sometimes mom's sister is there. Sometimes mom's mom is there. Sometimes the visits are done up at the agency's office. Today the visit is where mom is living. Love how God orchestrated the visit today. Today's visit is going to be mom, baby, the transporter and my letter.

I read the letter to my mom right before the transporter came. She said it sounded good. I pray it had just the right words. I will know Wednesday. I talked to my FDS this morning (licensing social worker). She asked to come with me to court. She has become a very trusted part of my family. It will make it a little easier to sit in the court room having her right beside me.

In other news, we have a new little one in our home. My FDS called me on Thursday evening and asked if we would take a 2 year old little girl. YES! She is beautiful and sweet and well we already love her. We weren't expecting her to still be here today. There was a home study being completed on a relative on Friday but I never got the phone call that she was leaving. That's fine. She is welcome here for as long as she needs to stay here.

Sooner than I thought

2012-01-31T19:48:00.002-05:00

So I apparently didn't look at a calendar to realize that court is NEXT WEEK! For some reason as I was trying to process all that has taken place over the past 24 hours I kept thinking the 8th was in two weeks. It took a phone call from my sister telling me that a week from tomorrow is the court hearing. This means I get one shot at sending baby K's mom a note. She has one visit before the court hearing.

On another note, I talked to baby M's case manager today. She is going on Friday to complete a home study with the "new" aunt living with baby M's mom. New aunt also has a son. This should be interesting. Mom currently lives in a two bedroom apartment. So that means baby M will be sleeping in a room with her aunt and cousin. Have I mentioned this baby does not sleep well at night. Any little thing will wake her up and she will make noise for a while and then go back to sleep. Baby K sleeps right through it all. Aunt and cousin are going to be in for some sleepless nights! The case manager told me that the judge wants supervised visits in the home with the aunt, cousin, and mom. The judge will make a decision in 45 days.

A letter requesting an open adoption

2012-01-31T12:42:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I got to meet up with a high school friend and her daughter. I met her about 45 minutes away from here with my two big girls. I arranged for my mom to stay at the house until Ron got home. I sent baby K off for a visit with her mom (she hasn't had one in a few weeks). I thought it would just be another "typical" Monday visit.

I got home around 8:30pm put my girls to bed and noticed a Walmart bag next to baby K's bag that I send on her visits. In the bag were a couple of cards her mom made her for Valentine's day along with two new outfits. There was also a letter addressed to "Mr & Mrs C....."

Here is an excerpt from the letter "I'm seeing if the judge will allow me to appeal if not then I'd like a open adoption." WHAT??? Then she states "I got to wait til Feb. 8, 2012 to do anything."

I called our case manager this morning and told her about the letter. She preceeded to tell me that baby K's mom had requested to speak to our case manager so last Friday our case manager called her. Baby K's mom told the case manager that she was thinking of giving up her rights and allowing us to adopt baby K because she felt we could better take care of her and meet her needs. The case manager told her to write us a letter letting us know what her intentions were and that she would like an open adoption. The case manager wasn't sure she would actually write the letter so she wasn't going to say anything to me (I totally understand that, I would have been waiting on pins and needles for a letter that may never come.) I asked her about February 8th. She said she didn't have anything on her calendar so we weren't sure what the significance was for that date. Ten minutes later the case manager called me back and told me she checked with her attorneys and there is a status hearing on February 8th. She then told me that if the mom goes into court that day, tells the judge she wants to sign over her rights, it will be done RIGHT THEN! Oh My Goodness. Could this really all be over in 2 weeks? (Meaning Baby K will be free to be adopted.) I was in shock. I couldn't believe what I had just been told.

Baby K potentially has two visits with her mom before February 8th. This means I have two chances of sending her letters encouraging her to make the biggest decision of her life. Please pray for me. I want to say the "right" things to her. Ron and I are ok with an open adoption. We are dealing with a very unstable mom though. Baby K's safety will be our #1 priority. My prayer is that by keeping this connection with the mom she will see Jesus' love pouring through us not only to her daughter but also to her. These next two weeks will probably be some of the hardest weeks of our life. This mom may not say anything at all in court. She may be strong and go forward with this. Please pray for not only us but also for baby K's mom. My hope is that through the power of prayer that this mom will "feel" the support she needs (because she has no support system at all). In my first letter to her she will know that there are many of us praying for her and her baby.

Moving Heaven and Earth.....

2012-01-19T13:32:00.002-05:00

That is exactly what I felt the case management team for baby K were trying to do today at her staffing! What an amazing sight to see 3 women pulling all their resources together to figure out how to grant this baby permanency!! We need an attorney ad litem to go to TPR. Names were flying across the table, emails were being sent, all while I was sitting there. They said they will get an attorney whether pro bono or paid for by the agency. Yeah!!!

The mom was not there today. She was in the process of being baker acted. This young mom has been through a lot. She witnessed a horrible accident last week. She has been beating herself up for it. They chose to run away and the consequences for her actions are unimaginable. We didn't get "full" details of the accident, but what we heard was bad enough.

Please pray for baby K's mom. She is in a rough place right now.

What could happen in 24 hours? Hold on tight....

2012-01-11T15:27:00.002-05:00

I guess I should back up first to about 4pm on Wednesday of last week. My phone rang, it was placement. I called them right back. They had a two year old being taken from Grandma. Yep, we will take her. Beautiful Ms. N showed up at 6:30pm right as I was loading the rest of the crew up to head out to church. She already has a case manager and he was the one that brought her to us. Long story short, there was another grandparent they are awaiting background checks on, so she won't be here long.

Fast forward to yesterday:

9am - I get a phone call from Ms. N's case manager asking if he could come get her for a visit. Sure. He'll be here at 1pm.

10am - Baby K's case manager comes for her monthly visit. "Mom" had ran away last week but was caught because the boy that she ran with was hit by a car (from what I know he is ok). I told the case manager that my husband and I have discussed how long it would take for K's mom to wind up pregnant again. Bomb shell: the case manager told me that K's mom has told her case manager that is what she is trying to do when she runs. Get pregnant! Since they are trying to terminate her rights for K she is just going to have another one! Oh my!

1:15pm - Ms. N is picked up for her visit. She's dressed in new clothes and new shoes we had bought her. I sent her with her doll she came with and a snack.

4:30pm - Phone call from Ms. N's case manager. They had court today and the judge is sending Ms. N back to her grandma. He is going to his office and then taking her to grandma. Umm, no good-bye? Court? I didn't know you were going to court. What about the rest of her stuff? He'll come get it tomorrow. I was disappointed but in a way it probably turned out the way it should. My big girls didn't have to look her in the eye and say good-bye. They knew all along she wouldn't be staying here for long. God protected our hearts. We loved her in the 6 short days she was here. Thank you God for allowing us to love her and play with her.

Today:

8:30 am - Ms. M's case manager comes for her monthly visit. She told me dad has stopped taking his domestic violence classes and has been dropped from the program. (So he is not meeting his case plan requirements) She also told me he called her yesterday rambling about how he can't do this anymore cause baby M's grandma (maternal) is too controlling. Case manager wasn't sure what he was telling her. Then she tells me that the mom's sister has moved in with her. Once again, there is an "aunt" trying to get custody of baby M. This aunt, though, collects disability. So they have to get a note from her doctor with the diagnosis of why she qualifies for the assistance.

10:30am - Phone call from K's case manager. They had a court hearing today. They asked for reduced visits but the judge just laughed at the case manager. He said that her behavior does not constitute her getting to see her baby less. What?? I wasn't surprised and neither was her case manager. No trial date was set due to no Attorney Ad Litem. Also, mom did not attend court because she is threatening to harm herself because she blames herself for the boy that got hit by the car. So she is under observation due to potential harm but her baby can come see her because..... well..... because?

12:00pm - Ms. N's case manager comes by to get the rest of her stuff. He told me her family said thank you! I will tell you, it means a lot to hear those simple words.

So there is my mentally exhausting past couple of days. Of course its not going to end. We have a staffing tomorrow for baby M and another staffing next Thursday for baby K. Its a good thing I love riding roller coasters!

Happy New Year!

2012-01-01T20:25:00.002-05:00

2012 is officially here. I thought we would be starting the year of with a TPR trial for baby K. Not happening. I know God's timing is the most perfect and apparently January 2012 was not what He wanted. Pre-trial happened last Wednesday 12/28. I was at Bush Gardens with my family trying to keep my mind off of things. Around 10am I sent a text to the case manager asking what time court was (I really did not want to dwell on it). She called me right back and told me that she just left court. We needed a Guardian Ad Litem Attorney appointed to the case to advocate for baby K. The attorney was not granted. Apparently her case does not meet the "criteria" to be awarded an attorney. Unfortunately, our case manager and her attorney's feel we will not be successful in TPR with out someone advocating for baby K. So we are at a standstill. The attorneys are looking into what "criteria" is not being met. My husband and I are going to do our own research. We have a great friend who volunteers as a Guardian Ad Litem. She knows a GAL Attorney. We are going to contact this attorney and see what they have to say.

I am confident baby K is not going anywhere. I don't know if/when she will become ours. I'm ok with that. That's where my faith comes in. God can move mountains. He can bring a case to trial. If that is not His will then He will show us in His time what His perfect plan is for baby K and our family.

As for baby M. I have absolutely no clue. I don't see her going anywhere anytime fast. The aunt was supposed to be getting custody of her since August is now not an option. She decided to go and do things that just won't get the states approval for taking guardianship of a child. I liked her, yes. I also knew she was young. I am just so grateful she went and did what she did before she got the baby. I guess that was why I was so at peace with baby M going. All along, God knew what was going to happen and He knew she wouldn't be going anywhere.

I'm excited to see what 2012 holds for us on this crazy journey we are on. I never thought that in 2011 we would have the same two placements all year. Thanks for reading our blog. Thanks for all your prayers and support. We couldn't be the family we are today without those who support and love us so much!

What a year in foster care brings you....

2011-12-14T13:00:00.002-05:00

When a child has been taken from their parents and the court adjudicates them their parents in turn receive a case plan to work on. This case plan assigns the parents "tasks" they must complete in order to be reunified with their children. The tasks assigned coincide with the "harm" that was done to the child (directly or indirectly). They may involve parenting classes, domestic violence classes, therapies, establishing stable housing, stable income, etc. The expectation is for the case plan to be completed in about a year (9 months in the "perfect" world). The whole time the case plan is being worked on the children receive weekly/bi-weekly supervised visits with their parents (whatever is ordered from the court). As the case plan is coming to completion the parents will receive longer lengths of visit time or unsupervised visits eventually working towards over night visits and ultimately reunification.

So here we are a year later with two totally separate cases. Baby K's case is going to TPR (termination of parental rights). Pre-trial was supposed to be two weeks ago. It got postponed to today. Today was "struck" until December 28th. This is very typical when a case is coming to an end and is not ending in reunification. There are so many different people who have to be notified, are required to show up, that when the "important" people can't be confirmed to testify court just gets postponed.

Baby M's case has basically gone nowhere! Her biological mom has had a private attorney for almost the entire year and all they have fought for is reunification for not only baby M but also her 3 other siblings who are permanently living with their fathers. The mom had pretty much worked most of her case plan before baby M was even born. A psychological evaluation has determined that she can not parent alone. They have tried unsuccessfully to find someone to move in and co-parent with her. The biological father has completed enough of his case plan that he has earned unsupervised visits. Even still, she is nowhere close to being able to live with him because he chooses to live with his own mother and the baby can not live there. So now, the mom's case plan has expired, she has fired her attorney, and now what? Do we have to start all over? Not quite. The mom will receive a court appointed attorney and they are extending her case plan for 3 months. What does this mean? I haven't got a clue. The case manager couldn't even give me answers. This case needs to move forward. We have been sitting here in this same spot for 12 months. The mom has done nothing to prove she can parent alone. Every therapist and parenting class that has worked with her has stated she can not do this on her own. She has no family that can "legally" help her (the baby can not be in their custody due to background issues). The dad does not seem like he is willing to get out on his own to take this baby in. So this just leaves baby M lingering in foster care. She deserves permanency.

So here we are a year into having two precious little girls. We have seen them smile for the first time, cheered them on when they rolled over for the first time, encouraged them to sit on their own, helped them pull up to standing, and are their cheerleaders as they have learned how to walk (baby K, hopefully baby M will be there soon). Soon they will be talking our ear off, running around outside, and learning how to count and say their ABC's. I am praying as we hit these next milestones that these baby girls will also be in their "forever" homes. We are all they really know. I don't want them lingering here. I wanted them permanently here or permanently with their family.

Thank you for keeping up with us. We love, love, love what we are doing. We love every baby that has come into our home. We have hit the hard part. We are attached. Please pray for these sweet babies. Please pray for us too. We don't know what this next year holds for us. That is ok. As we celebrate Christmas in the next coming weeks we are reminded of a tiny little baby who was brought to us to do great and mighty things. I am so thankful that we have a God who will see our every need fulfilled and that He will take care of these babies! So court hearings may get canceled, case plans may get stretched out, but ultimately His timing will be perfect!

2 Years Today....

2011-12-10T14:03:00.002-05:00

I can't believe it has already been two years since we were officially licensed to be foster parents. If you have been following our blog you also know we received our first placement that same day. Little J will forever have a special place in our hearts. He was the first of MANY blessings to come into our home.

To date we have had 13 placements ranging in age from 2 days old to 4 years old. Staying less than 24 hours to being here for (almost) 13 months. We have taken in 3 respite placements (other foster babies who parents were going on vacation, needed a break, had an emergency, etc.) We have had two sets of sibling groups (each having 2 siblings). 9 of our placements came to us when they were between the ages of 2 days old and 4 weeks old (yes, I lost a lot of sleep that first year). One sibling group was a two day old and a two year old. The other was a 3 and 4 year old brother and sister. I don't believe I ever blogged about them. They were the sweetest brother and sister but they came from a lot of "stuff". I had so much anxiety the first night they were here. I felt so guilty about what I had "potentially" brought into my home. I was so worried about the "stuff" that was going to be brought on to our big girls (who were only 5 & 7 at the time). We wound up having them for five days and then our agency was able to place them in a better "suited" foster home. I had so much guilt about taking them on and then "asking" them to be removed. I later learned that their next foster home "struggled" with them too. Oh, how I felt so bad for what these little kids had already been exposed to. I know I didn't even know the half of it either.

Through that experience, I have learned that for now, babies are best for us. Yes, that means a lot of sleepless nights. But I get to love them and bond with them. Our two little girls we have now are SPOILED! They deserved every ounce of it. They both clammer for me to hold them. If I sit on the floor my lap immediately disappears. I get hugs and kisses a lot!

What an amazing ride our first year was with all 13 of our placements coming in that year (with 11 of them leaving). The most we ever had in our home at one time was 3. This second year we have been on an up and down roller coaster with two separate cases. In the beginning I kept waiting for the "family" to show up and take them. With baby K, early on we learned there was really no family capable of taking her. Now, we are hopefully at the end of her case. We are awaiting a TPR trial which will hopefully be in January/February. God willing, she will eventually become ours. As for baby M, the family members have come and gone but she hasn't left yet. There have been about 5 "potential" family placements and they all eventually fell through. We would LOVE to adopt her too. I of course have not let my heart go there yet. Her case is not nearly over yet. In 3 days we will have had her for a year. She deserves permanency. She deserves it soon. I know God is in control and that His timing will be perfect for her. (We have watched some great friends go two years with their first placement. What a roller coaster ride but yesterday TPR finally came and he will finally be theirs!) So, I have witnessed the "system". I know it has shortfalls. It is not perfect. In many ways, I feel it fails these children. I also know, though, that my God is control of these children's lives. I know He only gives us what we can handle. I know He sees the big picture.

I wouldn't change these past two years for anything. What an awesome blessing for me and my husband and our two girls to get to be able to love on so many babies! Yes, we have shed a lot of tears. Yes, these children come from a lot of brokenness. Yes, there have been a lot of laughter and fun. Yes, we have seen many "firsts". Yes, we have been stared at and questioned because our "twins" are black and white :) Yes, we have gotten to share our "foster journey" with many people. No, foster care is not for everyone. No, not everyone feels they can love and then let go. No, our journey is not over yet. Part of me felt that if/when we got to adopt baby K we would be done (if baby M stays too than she is just a bonus). Then I hear about another baby who needs a home. About how the agencies are struggling weekly to place newborns because most homes who can take them are already at capacity. I don't think I can be finished yet. I feel that there are more children who may need to be loved on by us. My friends and family call me crazy (all in love) but if I don't do it, who will?

Happy Birthday Baby M!

2011-12-01T14:52:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was baby M's 1st birthday. Its hard to believe she is one and its even harder to believe we still have her! I never expected to be able to celebrate her first birthday with her. There have been so many "potential" family placements that I was sure she would go home to family eventually.

The "aunt" who had supposed to have gotten her back in August is not getting her at all now. So, she is here with us indefinitely until another family member steps up or until "qualifies" for an aide to come live with her to be her "co-parent".

M went and saw her mom yesterday on her birthday and nothing was sent "home" for her. Today, M went and spend 3 hours with dad at the mall. She came home in an outfit way too tight for her and she also got her ears pierced. It also looks like she had something "red" to eat. I was happy to see that dad acknowledged her birthday and "celebrated" it with her. Dad also fed her at least half of her lunch that I sent. I will take that as progress.

FDS/Case Manager Visit

2011-11-21T14:29:00.002-05:00

So what do you get when you have your FDS show up to one of your monthly home visits by one of your case managers? Lots of information! I seriously might have to have my FDS come every month when this one case manager comes. Its amazing how much info got pulled out of her.

So the latest is that there is now no family members to take baby M. The aunt that had been approved has moved back to her mom's house where the baby is not allowed to live. The mom has given a couple more family members names for background checks so we will have to wait and see where that will lead. It looks like though, baby M will also be hitting the one year mark with us in December.

Both these little girls have been such a blessing to our family. We know God is control of their situations and I also know that He will only give us what we can handle. I hope everyone has a blessed Thanksgiving this week!

A Year Ago.....Yesterday

2011-11-18T10:10:00.002-05:00

Last night I realized that it had been one year......

I remember a year ago yesterday, well, like it was yesterday. I got up that morning knowing there was a big chance that baby "Z" would be leaving us. Court was in the morning and the judge was going to determine whether she would get to go live with her aunt. I was not happy about this. I just didn't agree with allowing this baby to go live with an aunt who had not stepped in to protect baby "Z's" older sister from neglect. The reason why we had gotten "Z" was because her sister was in a medical foster home. I kept asking the case manager "where was this aunt at when this other baby was being neglected?". Apparently the aunts answers were a good enough explanation. So here I was being selfish not wanting to let this baby go. By lunch time I had gotten the phone call that the judge said "ok" and that the case manager was on her way to come get her.

After "Z" left I emailed my FDS to let her know that we had a bed available. We had little baby "M" at the time who was just two weeks old. I took the kids to church that evening and had just sat down for dinner when my phone rang. It was my FDS calling me after 5pm. I don't think I even said hello. All I said was "K... why are you calling me after 5pm"? Her response "I know you just had a baby leave but I have a two week old baby girl that needs a home and I thought of you".

Here we are, One Year Later!! We still have baby K. Not only do we still have her but in the next month or two we may find out that she will be forever a part of our family. Of course a year ago yesterday I had no clue that this was the road we would be on. This past year has been a roller coaster ride with this little girl and her biological mom. Emotionally it has been draining at times. Physically this baby keeps me on my toes. But I look back to a year ago and God knew what He was doing. Even now as we await the decision of the judge, I am confident that God will be making the decision on whether baby K stays with us or not. Starting the next year with her there are still a lot of "unknowns". That's ok.

Because of a year ago yesterday, if I am asked to say goodbye again, whether it is to baby M or baby K (or any other little person who comes to our home), I know God has a plan.

Birthday's And Court X2

2011-11-04T10:43:00.002-04:00

Here is a picture from the girls' birthday party we had. I am so glad my friend convinced me to do this. It was last minute with just a couple of friends and my sister and parents. We are so blessed that we got to celebrate being ONE with them!!

I went to court for baby K on Wednesday (which was also her actual birthday). I did not get to meet the aunt, she was not there. It seems, though, that this aunt will not be an issue. I was told and it was mentioned in court, that the aunt feels that since she is already in a stable, loving environment, that this is where she needs to stay. I wish I could have hugged that aunt. I do have to say too, that K's mom, when asked how K was doing, sang our praises. She is very grateful for us and for taking such good care of her baby. She talked about all the things K can do. This put a smile on my face while my heart was aching for this young mom.

I also had the opportunity to meet grandma. She was going on and on about how she didn't understand why her "rights" as a grandparent didn't allow her to have custody of the baby. She told me then she would be able to help the mom raise her baby. Umm, does maybe the fact that you don't have custody of your own kids have something to do with why you can't have the baby? Of course I didn't say this, but I was thinking it :)

The judge in his words said "there is no hurry" in this case. How I wanted to scream! No, there is just a baby who is getting older and more attached to us by the day. But yet, there is no hurry in what is going to be determined for her life?? She is a year old and in less than two weeks from now, we will have had her for a year. Oh how the system frustrates me!! They did set a pre-trial date for the TPR for 12/5. So until then.........

As for baby M, I just got a text from her case manager that no changes have been made regarding her placement. I am not sure, now, that she will ever get placed with her aunt. Her parents are now approved for 4 hours of visit time each week and for each parent. So that means 8 hours out of the week she will be on visits. This case manager never really cares about my schedule, so this shall be interesting to see what they come up with, ugh!!

TPR Advisory on her 1st Birthday

2011-11-01T23:56:00.003-04:00

Tomorrow is a big day. Baby K is turning ONE! Its hard to believe we actually made it to a birthday with one of our babies. Baby K is so full of life. She walks, she climbs, she laughs, she is such a pure delight. We are so blessed to have her in our family.

With that said, we also go to court tomorrow. It is the TPR Advisory for her case. It breaks my heart that out of 365 days in a year this court date had to be scheduled on her first birthday. Yes, her mom has already been told that this is where the case was heading. To me, though, it could have been today or Thursday, not her baby's first birthday!! Either way, I will be there. I am hoping to meet the "aunt" that has come into the picture. We should also be given the actual trial date tomorrow. Court is at 2pm and prayers for our family and baby K's are greatly appreciated.

Double Whammy Wednesday

2011-10-26T11:25:00.002-04:00

This morning I woke up knowing I had a case manager visit for Baby K and assumed Baby M's case manager would stay for a home visit when she brought her back from her weekly visit with her parents.

Whammy #1:
Well, I got a text message at 7:45 this morning saying she was coming early to do the home visit before the baby goes on her visit. Ugh. She gets here and we start discussing everything I had learned from the aunt yesterday. Well, there is court TODAY! At 1:30pm the judge will make the decision on whether baby M goes or not. Thankfully baby M still won't leave us until sometime next week (as long as the judge says ok). I will keep you posted.....

Whammy #2:
Oh how I was not prepared for the news baby K's case manager brought to me today. There is an AUNT!! Why is there always an aunt?? It would actually be her great aunt. She is interested in taking custody of baby K, but.... She has had her children removed in the past so we aren't sure if her background will check out ok enough. Also, as the case manager put it, this aunt thankfully has a (decent) head on her shoulders. She asked about where K has been for the past year and whether we were interested in keeping her. The case manager was completely honest with her telling her we were prepared to keep her "forever". Unfortunately our case manager could not give the aunt her personal opinion on where she thought K should end up. This aunt even mentioned just staying in the picture as a "family support". Oh how I wanted to scream. At the same time, I am grateful to know that this aunt (if legally able) would take K in if mom's rights aren't terminated. My worst nightmare for K is that she would "linger" in foster care because a judge didn't feel it "right" to terminate mom's rights.

I know my God is bigger than any judge or legal system. I know that He wants what is best for these two baby girls as well as for our family. I have found a peace about baby M moving. Yes, it is going to be hard. Yes, we love her more than anything. Yes, we would keep her forever. But, I also trust that God will protect and watch over her when we are no longer with her. The same will be true for baby K. I of course am not at peace about this aunt. But, if God ultimately says she is to go, I know He will soften my heart and provide the comfort I will need to let her go.

Please, please keep us in your prayers. What an emotional roller coaster just today has been for me.

It may be sooner than I thought....

2011-10-25T23:12:00.002-04:00

This morning the babies both had a GI appointment. When we arrived on the third floor of the building 15 minutes early I was shocked to see baby M's aunt there. I knew she had all the appointments times and locations but really did not expect her to show up. So of course one of the first things I ask her about was when she thought she would be getting her own place. Aunt: "I already moved". Ok, when will the case manager be coming to do the home study? Aunt: "She came on Monday". Oh. We chatted a little more. So what else needs to be done to have the baby placed with you? Aunt: "The judge needs to approve the move into my place (it was already approved by the judge when the aunt was living with mom)". Chatted a little more. Do you know when the next court hearing is? Aunt: "Next Thursday". Yikes!!

So there is a good chance that baby M could be moved by the end of next week. I definitely believe the aunt made a wise choice in getting her own place. I think there would have been a lot of conflict had she tried to move out of the mom's place with the baby at a future date. I think she kind of realized that and that is why she decided to go ahead and get into her own place before taking custody of the baby.

Now we wait for court on next Thursday ( a week and a day away). I told the aunt that I had asked the case manager to give us 24 hours from the time the "ok" is given so we can let our older girls know that baby M will be leaving. She was completely understanding.

While talking to one of my good friends this afternoon, she convinced me to throw a party for the babies this Sunday. Baby K's birthday is next Wednesday and M's is at the end of November. So that is what we are doing. I wasn't sure if or when we would have a party and whether it would be for just K or both. So she finalized it and we will get to celebrate both of them.

Going to be waiting some more....

2011-10-20T13:20:00.002-04:00

So my impatience got the better of me and I broke down and emailed baby M's case manager. I actually had another reason to send the email but I thought I would just "ask" if there was any update to M being placed with the aunt. This case manager is not the best at responding to emails right away. But, of course, today she surprised me. Her reply to my question was:

"No updates regarding the child moving. The aunt is actually in the process of getting her own apartment so I will let you know when that happens."

So who knows when this will actually happen. Then the case manager will have to go and do a THIRD home study! At this point I think I am just going to go with the fact that this baby isn't going anywhere fast. I think I might even go ahead and start planning that birthday party for two ONE YEAR OLDS!! Yeah!!

Waiting

2011-10-19T13:41:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow it will have been two weeks since our crazy day of staffings. Since then nothing has changed. No court date for baby K and no leaving date for baby M. This is where "God grant me patience" has been my prayer on a daily basis. More so for baby M than baby K.

I don't want baby M to leave, but.... I don't like living in limbo either. Its one thing to be waiting while a parent works a case plan. Its another to sit here and wait for a family member to figure out when they are going to get their act together to get this child placed with them. In previous cases, the family members are jumping through ALL the hoops to get the baby in their home. Most of the time making me angry and frustrated because the baby has left so fast. Since I have had so much time to sit and wait, it also gives me plenty of time to think. Does this aunt want this baby, Yes. I believe that. Does this aunt want to keep this baby for the next 18 years, No. She (the aunt) has told me so. The aunt is young but I am over that now. I have come to realize I would do what she is doing at her age if it was the only option for "my" niece. The problem I still see is that she has almost no family support to help her. Oh, her family WANTS to help, but unfortunately, legally, they can't due to their backgrounds not checking out. So I just keep praying. I keep praying that this aunt's eyes are completely open to reality. I pray that if she truly wants to care for this baby for the long haul that she is able to find childcare so baby M can go. I pray that it is soon. When you have cared for a baby for 10 months it is just flat hard to let them go. Baby M cries for me when there is "stranger" that wants to hold her. Baby M is going to have some major adjustments. I have no doubt that baby M will adapt to the "change". I just hate seeing this drug out any longer.

As for baby K. We are hoping to have the TPR trial date by the end of the month. Again, I am not as anxious about baby K's case. I have no control in what the judge will ultimately rule as his decision when the TPR trial happens. Unfortunately baby K's mom continues to make "bad choices" which is all being documented. I feel the more documentation going into court, the better. On a positive note, I bought baby K's mom a disposable camera and sent it on her visit last week. I am anxious to get the pictures back. I told her mom (at the staffing) that I would do this so she could have some pictures of her and K together. I also did this so baby K will always have a picture of her and her mom (the grandma and the aunt were also at the visit so there may be pictures of them too).

Baby K will be One year old two weeks from today. Baby M will be One year old 6 weeks from today. Its hard to believe we have had these baby girls this long. I know we will get to celebrate at least one birthday but I am going to hold out a little to see if we wind up making it a double birthday :)

Please keep these baby girls in your prayers. Big decisions are going to be made soon for both of them. I trust God that the path chosen for each of them is the right path.

Two Staffings in One Day

2011-10-06T22:14:00.002-04:00

What a day! I do not wish anyone to have to sit through two staffings for two different families in one day. It is mentally and emotionally draining. Thankfully I had my husband along for the "fun" and we had a really long break in between to have lunch, get our "adoption" fingerprinting done, and then topped that off with some Coldstone Creamery Icecream (we deserved it).

We started off the morning with baby K's staffing. Nothing has really changed with her case. The status goal is still TPR. We did find out that our case manager finally signed the petition and it is headed to court. We should hopefully have a TPR trial date in the next couple weeks (meaning court will most likely be in November or December). I know I have said this over and over but my heart still breaks for this (young) mom. To have to sit there and watch her try to absorb and understand everything she is being told and the only one there for her is her case manager. This child needs a mom, a dad, a family member, a support system, someone! She has NO ONE! Apparently mom (baby K's grandma) is trying to be reunified (once again) with this young girl and her sister. My understanding that past attempts for their reunification has failed. Baby K's mom has suffered more than she deserves. At the same time, though, I am so grateful that the state has intervened so far on the behalf of baby K. Her mom just doesn't understand that her "actions" are what has caused them to go this route. Today she was stating "but I haven't done ______ this week" or "its been two weeks since I have done ______". To her, since she has been "good" this week, all past misbehavior's should be wiped away. She has criminal charges on top of all the "this and thats". She just doesn't understand. Of course when she made these declarations and was told that it has been almost a year and she has yet to change her ways, she started accusing "everyone" that we just wanted to take her baby away from her. How I wanted to tell her differently. I didn't, though. She wouldn't believe me.

As we wait for the TPR trial, not knowing what the outcome will be, we get to start the adoption process. We completed our fingerprinting today. We also met our adoption case worker after baby K's staffing and she gave us our (huge) packet of paperwork to start on. She knows that we of course don't know what the final decision will be in court but she told us it won't hurt to get started, yeah!!

Baby M's staffing was this afternoon. It is always a 3 ring circus. My husband got to experience it for the first time today. A dad, a mom, two grandma's, and an aunt..... oh boy! I can not go into all the "dirty family laundry" that was aired but here is the short of the meeting. The "aunt" is moving in with "mom" this weekend (for the second time). There will be a home study completed this Monday. The aunt MUST find childcare for baby M before the baby can move in. This, I feel, is going to be the deal breaker. The aunt's work schedule starts a little later than normal and therefore baby M is going to have to be in a daycare that is opened past 6pm. I know there are such daycares, but the aunt mentioned when she was looking the last time, that most of the ones who stayed open late were full. The director looked at me and my husband and said "plan for the baby to be moved by the end of October".

My husband flat told me in the car that he doesn't want her going back to "that". I totally understand and selfishly would love for her to stay too. I also told him, though, that we have to put her and our trust in God. If God's plan was for this baby to only be with us for 10-11 months then we have fulfilled our responsibility to her. We have done so much for her in such a short amount of time. I will only look back and feel blessed for the time we had her.

Please keep these babies, their cases, and our family in your prayers especially these next couple of weeks. I am not looking forward to once again putting our older kids on this emotional roller coaster. They are strong girls but if baby M leaves it is definitely going to be devastating.

Case Manger Visit #1, Adoption Case Worker Phone Call, Case Manger Visit #2

2011-09-28T14:42:00.003-04:00

The title explains my day so far and it is not quite yet 3pm. Can I just say, My Head is Spinning!

Baby K's case manager came for her monthly visit this morning. Not too much has changed. We still do not have a TPR trial date because the case manager has still not been able to get the petition from the AG's office to sign. It is officially past their 30 days that they get to file it, so she is not quite sure what is going on. I'm taking the delay as a "God" thing and I am NOT going to worry about it. There will be a TPR trial eventually. I know the baby is not going anywhere right now. I honestly feel that if the TPR trial could wait until after November 17th that would be the icing on the cake. Why, you ask? We got baby K on 11/17/10. For some reason I just feel that if we can go into this trial "officially" having this baby for one whole year, it just might mean something. I could be totally wrong and it could not make one bit of difference. That's ok, it gives me something to hold onto for right now.

With that said, yes we have been officially assigned an adoption case worker for baby K. Apparently in order to go to TPR trial they have to change the baby's status from reunification to adoption. When this happens, an adoption case manager is brought into the craziness :) When I talked to her today, I explained everything that I knew that was going on (even the "potential" not TPR but permanent guardian situation) and she just said, let's get started!! She said our fingerprints and background checks will be good for a year. So if the baby is TPR'd, then great we are ahead of the ball game, if not then our things will just be on file. So we are in the middle of re-licensing for our foster care license and I am pretty much going to have to fill out all the same paper work for the adoption. Oh well, I'm a procrastinator, it will eventually get done.

Baby M went for a 4 hour visit today, ugh! The first two hours were supervised with mom. The second 2 hours were "unsupervised" with dad. There was a court hearing on Monday and apparently dad was granted unsupervised visits every other week starting today. M's case manager had emailed me asking me to pack her lunch since she would gone from 8:30 to 1:30 (half hour drive time each way). I did as I was asked. Thank goodness M's case manager had planned to bring her back from her visits and do her monthly home visit. I looked in the bag and pulled out the ziplock with the two containers of baby food UNOPENED! I showed them to her. I had sent a bottle for her to have with mom and lunch was to be had with dad. Dad had also been told that the visit was to only be him and the baby. He got in the car, though, with a sister and two kids. The case manager documented everything and there is a staffing next week to address all this craziness! Poor baby was starving when she got home and the case manager saw that too!

Next Thursday will be another head spinning kind of day. There is a staffing at 9:30am for baby K and a staffing for baby M at 3:00pm. Too bad they weren't scheduled a little closer together in time. They are at the same building. Hoping I can find a babysitter and my husband can just take the day off and maybe we'll just go get those fingerprints taken care of in between the two staffings!

Think I am going to go sit on the couch and eat some chocolate now.

Adoptions vs Permanent Guardian

2011-09-21T21:22:00.002-04:00

I got a phone call today that totally threw me. Baby K's case manager called and said that her supervisor wanted her to find out how we would feel about becoming K's permanent guardian if TPR does not occur. Umm, could you explain to me what the difference is? So she explained a little, I pulled up Florida's laws regarding this, and then I spoke with some valued friends (and husband). Of course my husband was questioning why this is even coming up since we still don't even have a TPR trial date. The case manager (and her supervisor) are not confident that the judge will terminate the mom's rights. She is young and the judge has been very lenient up until this point with her.

I am going to be completely honest, I didn't know Permanent Guardianship was an option. Basically this means, we become the legal guardian but at any point over the next 18 years if her mom gets her act together, she could go to court and request custody of her child back. She would of course have to prove that she has changed her ways and that the child would not be in any harm if placed back in her care.

I thought the goal of "the system" was to establish permanency for a child. The "perfect" scenario would have this accomplished in 9 - 12 months. K will be one in November and we will have had her for a year also in November. If TPR is not granted and they look for a "permanent guardian" whether it is us or someone else, I feel permanency will not have been established. She will "forever" live with a family but not have their name. There will always be this "possibility" looming over the family wondering if/when the mom may "pop" back into the picture and try to get her child back. (The mom and baby would no longer have contact with each other just like an adoption.)

What a hard place my husband and I have been put in. We love this baby. We want her to be a part of our family "forever" if that is God's will for her life. I don't want to see her live with a feeling of not belonging. I know we would do our best of making her a part of our family. What happens as she gets older? We would be honest with her. No, we can't adopt you but no, your mom can not have you at this time either. No child (I feel) should ever have to be put in this position. They didn't choose this for their life. I am going to be very blunt: the mom made an "adult" choice to have a baby, she should have to deal with the "adult" consequences.

I am trusting and praying that God will take this decision and make it completely obvious (TPR would be wonderful). We have to not only look out for what is best for baby K but also what is best for our family.

Mountains were moved, Prayers were answered!

2011-08-26T20:56:00.002-04:00

Let me just start by saying that this has definitely been one of the more stressful weeks that I have had in the past year and a half!

The week started with us thinking that baby M was leaving. We had prepared our girls, I had packed a 5 gallon tote full of clothes, food, diapers, wipes, and toys, and even printed pictures for her "life book" (photo album for her to take with her). On Monday I called her case manager and left her a message in the morning. That afternoon I sent her a text message. Finally at 5:30pm she sent a text stating she was out of the office until Wednesday. Wednesday comes, my 8 year old is afraid she going to go to her second day of school and come home and baby M be gone. I promised her she would get to say goodbye even if I had to come get her early. After no word all day, her case manager finally responds back to my multiple attempts saying she wasn't in the office until Thursday, ugh! Thankfully on Thursday I had invited some friends over in the morning and they were a wonderful distraction. By 11am I sent a text to the case manager asking what the status was. She first told me the aunt had to go back to Title XX office on Friday for her childcare voucher. Then she sent a text and asked me to call her when I had a minute. What I heard on the other end of the phone was only what I (and many others) had been praying for all along....SHE WASN'T LEAVING!! Apparently the place "mom" was renting was being sold and she had to be out by the 1st of next month. This sent the aunt moving right back in with her mom (baby M's grandmother). The baby can not live with either sets of grandparents. The case manager did not know what their plan was. So for now, she stays with us. God is so Good!!

Baby M also got her glasses on Thursday. She is absolutely adorable and she leaves them on. Even baby K hasn't messed with them (which has totally amazed me). We can totally see how these glasses are such a blessing for her. She sees things across the room and crawls as fast as she can to get to whatever it is. She has always just played with what was around her. She would just sit in once place forever content with whatever was in her reach.

With all the drama that was going on with baby M it kept me from dwelling on baby K. The TPR recommendation went before the Attorney General's office today at 11am. At 11:40 I got a call from her case manager and I could hear the "smile" in her voice. They ACCEPTED the TPR recommendation. This means we go to trial in a couple of months and then on to adopting baby K. At nine months old she is officially on her way to becoming our 3rd little girl!! Again, God is so Good!!

While we don't know how long baby M will be here, we are so excited at getting to spend more time with her. In the foster care system they talk so much about wanting to establish "permanency" for these children. I honestly just couldn't see where her very young aunt, the sister of the baby's father, moving in with the baby's mother (not sure of the relationship between mother and father) would turn out to be a permanent situation for the next 18 years. This "young" aunt needs to have her "own" life. Being tied down with someone else's baby is not the way to start out your "adult" life. (My opinion.) I don't want to see the system fail baby M either.

God truly moved mountains this week. Prayer is a wonderful thing!! I truly believe by placing these babies in God's hands, He will clearly shine the light down the path He has paved for them. With baby K it looks like her home will be with us. With baby M, our home may just be a stop along the way (she's just getting to stay a little longer). We trust Him. He knows the plans for our family and who will one day make it complete. We will have times like this week where the emotional roller coaster will feel overwhelming. These babies are worth it! This week proves there is no mountain too high or no valley to low that we can not get through.

Big Day this Friday

2011-08-17T08:59:00.003-04:00

On Friday baby K's TPR recommendation will go before the office of the Attorney General. If it gets approved there then they can go forward in requesting a TPR hearing.

Just found out this morning that baby M's aunt has moved in with the mom. The case manager is going out on Friday to do the home study. Apparently the aunt has just also gotten a job so she will have to get childcare set up. We are now going to have to tell our two older girls that there is a possibility of her leaving soon. This is one of the hardest things (besides saying good bye to the child) we do. Its puts our girls through the emotional ringer. They understand that it is ultimately best for baby if she can live with her family. It doesn't take the pain away from her leaving our home.

All I can ask is that God's perfect desire be done for these two precious little girls. He knows what He is doing. He knows what our family can handle.

2 Days, 2 Court Hearings

2011-08-12T10:21:00.002-04:00

Apparently this was just supposed to be the week for EVERYTHING! Wednesday was court for baby K, Thursday was court for baby M. You know how well my case managers love to tell me about these things, ugh!

On Wednesday, baby K's mom went to court for her JR (judicial review). To me, this just means another court hearing. I'm not actually sure what "specifically" is supposed to take place at a JR. Since K's mom has been making so much trouble, the facility that she has been living at did not want her back. There is a facility down in Manatee County (about an hour south of us) that is a lockdown facility in which K's mom had visited last month. She had told us in the staffing last month that she didn't want to go there because she didn't like that it was a "lockdown" and that she couldn't have her laptop and cell phone. I guess when you make enough bad choices, where you live is no longer an option for you. Unfortunately the judge still feels she needs to see K every week, so now she will be gone for 3 hours once a week. We will see how long that lasts. She doesn't sleep in cars much and when she misses naps she is miserable. Her CM already told me that if it is too much that she will go back to court and request at least every other week. Our CM also brought up in court that they would be recommending TPR. The judge didn't say much to it, so we have to wait for the 3rd Friday of the month for the office of the Attorney General to review the recommendation. I am confident that baby K isn't going anywhere, so if they must drag this out, at least it is while she doesn't understand what is going on.

On Thursday there was court for baby M. To try to make a long court hearing short, the judge said it would be ok for the aunt to move in with mom and as long as the home study was passed, baby M could move. The judge made it clear to the aunt that grandma can NOT transport the baby or be at any of the doctor appointments (she has her own open case with the state). The judge did ok for mom to be at the appointments which is actually probably a good thing. So we are just waiting to see if the aunt actually moves in with the mom. Once she does and notifies the case manager, then she will go out for the home study. Of course, if the home study is not passed, then the baby will not be moved. I am once again just praying for God's perfect timing in all of this. Like a wonderful friend posted on her blog, we can not adopt every child that comes into our home through foster care. Baby M came to our home for a specific season of her life. She has been nurtured and loved (and spoiled) for the past 8 months. I always look back and see how God's timing has ALWAYS been perfect in his placements for our home. I have no doubt that if it is time for her to go, God is opening our hearts and home for another precious little one.

With that said, could you please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we will try to prepare our two older girls (who are 8 and 6) for her to possibly leave. It was emotionally devastating when baby J left after having him for almost 8 months. Tomorrow baby M will have been here for 8 months. Saying good bye is never easy no matter how long a child has been in our home. 10 of our placements were here for a month or less. With almost every single one of those placements we knew there were potential family members. These longer placements, though, definitely put us through an emotional ringer when they leave.

2 Days, 2 Appointments

2011-08-09T18:24:00.002-04:00

It is only Tuesday and what a week we have already had! Baby M had two Dr's appointments scheduled this week. Ophthalmology was yesterday and Cardiology was today. I have learned my lesson, I will not schedule those two appointments in the same week again. I am exhausted! We were at the eye doctor yesterday from 9:45 until about 1:30 (with a 30 minute lunch/run to get formula/get M to take a nap in the car break). Today Cardiology only took about an hour and a half (its nice to be "known" and liked by the staff, they tend to take care of you).

Let me go back to baby M's staffing from a week ago. The director told "aunt" that she needed to be at all appointments starting this week if she was going to "co-parent" with mom. The director also told mom/dad/grandma(s) that they could know about the appointments and how they went but the "caretaker" (me) would have to give approval for them to be there because it turns into a "supervised" visit. I was not asked nor did I say "ok" to them being there. So, after the staffing I did my part and emailed the case manager baby M's upcoming appointments so she could give them to the aunt.

Well, who should show up yesterday? Aunt, Mom, Dad, and Grandma!! I was not happy (that is putting it mildly). I called the case manager, text the case manager, called her supervisor, called my FDS, and even called the transporter (trying to find the case manager), NO ONE answered their phones!!! I was fuming now. Finally the case manager called me back and said she got my text. She told me that they knew they were not supposed to be there and that she was going to call them (what would we do without cell phones??). It took her about 10 minutes for one of them to answer their phone. They left which of course left me in an awkward situation with the aunt. She told me they didn't know that they weren't allowed to be there. Ummm, hello, we were both at the same staffing and we were all in the room when the director explained who could be at the appointment. Ok, so after that we hung out in the waiting room, carried on small talk, went back to get M's eyes dilated and went back out to wait some more. Two hours later, her eyes weren't dilated enough, so they gave more drops and said to go to lunch and come back. I looked at the aunt (who I knew didn't have a car) and finally said, "I need to get more formula for the baby and I'm hungry, you can come with me if you like". So I wound up taking her with me and buying her lunch. We got back and thankfully the Dr saw us before the rush of the afternoon appointments. M's eyes still were not dilated like the Dr wanted but she was able to get a good enough look. We left with a prescription in hand for GLASSES!! My little 8 month old is going to be wearing glasses (her bad vision is due to her Marfan Syndrome).

So here we are today, appointment number two. The weather here in central Florida is nothing but rain all day today. I get to the appointment early and wait. The aunt has not shown up by 20 minutes after the appointment time and we are finally called back. The tech who does the echo grams knows me from being there with baby M and another foster baby I had. So I filled her in on the drama from the day before. When she was done we went to another room where the gets weighed and blood pressure and stuff. The echo tech comes in about 10 minutes later and says "mom and aunt are in the waiting room". I said "is it mom or grandma?" She was sure it was mom. She then said "I told them you were almost done and could just wait for me out there". I wanted to kiss her. I was livid that the mom showed up again!! So the nurse took me the "back way" to the room to wait to see the doctor. While I was in there I sent a text to our case manager. She asked if it was for sure "mom". I said I was pretty sure but that I hadn't seen them myself. She then proceeded to tell me "that is going to be a big problem". I told her that is why I let them just wait out in the waiting room. The case manager told me to tell them that if they had a problem to call her :) Baby M's heart is good for now. She will be followed at least every 6 months due to the Marfan Syndrome. When I finally got out to the waiting room (after the check out girl confirmed they were still here) only the aunt was out there. She said nothing about the mom, did not ask a single question about the baby's appointment. She just told me that the bus couldn't drop them off close so they had to walk in the rain and that was why they were late. On my way out I confirmed with the check in girl that there were two there and she said yes.

I'm not sure what the case manager is going to be able to do. I am half tempted to reschedule the next two appointments that I had given to the aunt just so the rest of the family doesn't show up!! Of course, I am not going to (yet) but I will be curious to see what info the case manager gets from the family tomorrow during M's visit.

Hopefully the rest of my week won't be as drama filled as these past two days have been. M just has a visit tomorrow and then I can have the rest of my week to myself :)

Staffing for Baby M

2011-08-02T18:55:00.002-04:00

Today we had a staffing for baby M. I really did not know what to expect going in. This is the first time we have been invited to a staffing (much less a court hearing) for her in the 8 months we have had her. Her mom and grandmother and her dad, grandmother, and aunt were all there. This was the first time I had ever seen, spoke, been in the same room with any of them. (I am always nervous meeting the "family" for the first time.) My understanding so far was the mom was mentally delayed and dad has some domestic violence issues. Both sets of grandparents have been denied custody for various reasons.

During the staffing I learned that dad has a few things to work on for his case plan. Mom, by psychologist recommendation, needs to have a "co-parent" in order to be reunified with her baby (her older 3 children have been permanently placed with their fathers). Towards the end of the staffing, dad's mom pipes up and says "if (dad's) sister moves in with mom, then the baby can go live with mom?". YES! Ugh! My heart sank. The aunt already has an approved background check. This aunt is also very young (she is just barely an adult). They were explaining to her that she would be the SOLE custodian of the baby and that the baby could never be left unattended with the mom. There are NO other family members who can take care of this baby on either side!!

Let me tell you, this is going to be very hard to watch unfold. If she is meant to go back to this family, then I firmly believe that will ultimately happen. I was grateful to hear the director of the staffing say that due to the baby being a "medically complex" baby, that the aunt is going to have to start showing up to all doctor's appointments starting next week. (There are two next week.) I know God's timing is once again perfect! I believe that if the aunt is capable to step up and be there, then God is ultimately paving the way for our next placement.

Do I want baby M to go. ABSOLUTELY NOT!! I would love to be able to raise her and baby K (if we ultimately get to adopt both of them) together (they are only 4 weeks apart in age). I know, though, that God sees the big picture when it comes to our family. He knows how much we can handle!! 13 placements in our first year was a little unbelievable. Not at all what we expected. I guess He was just trying to tell us that He needed to share our love with lots of little ones :) We do not like saying goodbye but we know there are always more babies who need our love.

July 22nd

2011-07-23T14:47:00.003-04:00

July 22nd has become a very significant date in our house.

Just last year on July 22nd, we took our precious baby J to go live with his grandparents. J was our very first foster care placement. We got him at the age of 3 weeks and he left when he was 8 months old. July 22, 2010 was one of the hardest days that Ron and I have ever had. We said goodbye to "our" little boy. I have to say that we definitely did not agree with this decision but we know that God has full control. J paved the way to our future. God has more children that NEED to come to our home.

So here we are just one year later. Again, yesterday, July 22, 2011 will forever be a significant day. We went to a staffing held for baby K yesterday. This staffing was called just one month after her last staffing (usually they are every 90 days). The reason was to change her status of "reunification" to "termination of parental rights". This means that they are recommending that baby K's mom's rights be terminated (the baby's dad is deceased). Her mom was there yesterday at the staffing. She of course was very upset to hear this. It broke my heart to watch this "mom" hear that she may lose her little girl. This "recommendation" is just the first step in a very long process. It has to be approved in the Attorney General's office. If it is approved there, then a petition will be filed in the courts and it will go to a TPR trial. We have submitted letters stating that we would adopt baby K should we get to that point. I can not spell out the reasons for this recommendation but it is in the best interest of the baby. Her mom has absolutely no support system. Ron and I initially thought we would try to step up and see if we could help but due to some pretty significant circumstances we are not able to. This mom needs help and support and absolutely refuses it from anyone who offers. It is a very sad situation.

God has a plan for our family. I will tell you it is not always easy to focus on that. You can't blame us for falling in love with every baby that comes in our home. We don't know how long we will have them and of course the longer they stay, the more attached we get. Baby K now holds the title of our "longest placement". Baby J held that title and now K does. God just makes me smile at all the similarities between these 2 babies. Not sure if I have mentioned this before but baby J and baby K were both living in the same shelter with their mothers when the state was called to step in. Both these babies have November birthdays (we got baby K the day before baby J's 1st birthday). I could keep going on with all their similarities :)

Next we have a staffing on August 2nd for baby M. We love her to pieces. Her case seems to be dragging! Mom hasn't even started working a case plan for her yet and she will be 8 months old next week, ugh! Hopefully the staffing will shine some light onto what is going on (this is the first time we have been notified of a staffing for her).

Family Connections

2011-06-21T13:56:00.002-04:00

Last week was a very busy week. It was the first week of summer vacation for our two oldest girls. We are in the process of hopefully buying a house and we had a lot going on with that. On top of all that craziness, we had a staffing for baby K. I was able to attend it and there were actually quite a few people there. Since her mom is a minor and is also in foster care her "team" of people were there along with K's team of people. They also had two ladies there from family finders.

These staffings are usually held every 90 days so everyone can have an update on where the case is. The director addressed me and asked me how the baby is doing. Then she addressed the baby's mom and asked her how her case plan was going. Her mom did not say a whole lot. She is getting some "parenting" classes every other week when the baby comes for her weekly visit. She also has a therapist coming to help her work on her "independent living" skills. K's mom will age out of the system next year. Family finders spoke up saying that they are trying to establish a "support team" for K and her mom. At the end the director addressed the fact that the mom's parenting psychological evaluation came back but K's mom hadn't had a chance to see it yet. So I left feeling like nothing had been really accomplished. I thought we would "know" what was said in the evaluation. K's mom has a guardian ad litem and she I talked for a while outside after the meeting. I learned K doesn't have a guardian because mom does (conflict of interest). The guardian told me there really is no family out there to help either one of them (very sad).

Family finders wound up coming out to my house the next day. They pretty much explained to me that they are trying to establish permanency not just trying to find a "family" placement. That made me feel better about who they are and what their job is. (Baby J just got "placed" with his grandparents and that really turned me off to family finders.) They encouraged me to interact more with K's mom. We decided to start with email. I provided her with an email address I created specifically for K's mom. I also sent it today with K on her visit. We will see if mom takes advantage of it.

Yesterday, K's case manager came for her monthly visit. We discussed all that took place last week. She basically told me that the psychologist recommended that baby K NOT go back to her mom. There were some serious things that came up in the evaluation. They bumped up the next staffing to 60 days. The CM said that they would be recommending adoption (or terminating the parental rights) at that time. I supplied her with a letter we had given a prior case manager stating our interest in adopting her should it come to TPR. I really do not expect anything to happen before next year. Family finders will still explore any and all options on both the mother and father's (who is deceased) side of the family.

Through all of this I learned that K's mom was very appreciative of the album and card I gave her for mother's day. She apparently brought it up when she met with family finders. She also did smile at me a few times during the staffing. This was the first time we had ever been in the same room together. The mom is a very angry person and I didn't know how she felt about me. I am going to reach out to her as much as I feel I can.

Marfan Syndrome

2011-06-02T16:51:00.000-04:00

A couple of weeks ago I was called by the geneticist office asking me to come back in to go over the results of baby M's genetic testing. She had been specifically tested for Marfan Syndrome which is a connective tissue disorder. Her mom and grandfather say they have it (but have not been genetically tested for it). On the phone I was told she didn't test positive but didn't test negative, she tested for a variation (whatever that meant).

Today I basically learned that the "variation" is in her genes. I am not going to try to get into the all the scientific meaning behind it. Bottom line she has Marfan Syndrome and will be followed closely by genetics, cardiology, and opthalmology. They will watch for tissue enlargements around her aortic root. She will most likely be near sighted and they will also watch for lens detachment. She is delayed with her gross motor skills. I was told this is also common because her "tone" is not what it should be. She is being evaluated by Early Steps next week. I am so grateful I got this diagnosis first. The Early Steps evaluation is in the same building at the geneticist. They will have access to her file and can see what we have in store for us. They will offer the right kind of therapy she will need and they most likely come to my home, yeah!

Genetics would like for her mom and half sisters to be tested. I told her I would pass on the information to the case manager. I am not sure where her case is going yet, I trust that God will put her where she needs to be so that all her needs will be met (whether it is with us or family).

Family Finders

2011-05-23T13:33:00.002-04:00

I had an "unannounced" visit today from baby K's case manager. One of the first things she told me was that she has a meeting today at 2pm with Family Finders. I know Family Finders is a good thing but I don't like them!! They will look at both sides of baby K's family to see if there is any family member "out there" that can take her. Our CM reassured me that the conditions would have to be in baby K's favor in order for her to go. (She told me she would be happy leaving her with us) It is her job to follow through with Family Finders.

These are the people who found baby J's grandparents. It was heartbreaking when he left but we know that God has an ultimate plan!

On another note, baby K's mom had her parenting psychological on Friday. I'm hoping the case manager will get the results this week and we will know which direction her mom will be heading.

Family

2011-05-11T13:39:00.002-04:00

Baby M was picked up by her case manger this morning. I had emailed her last week asking what had happened at court on Thursday. I had never gotten a response. Today she told me that "mom" was going to sign her case plan but the judge requested she hold off. They have already determined that mom can not parent alone. The judge would like for them to come up with a relative who is willing to move in with mom and help her parent. I asked the case manager this morning that hadn't they been looking for a relative for 5 months now? She said yes. There have been relatives step up, but none have been able to pass either the background check or the home study. They go back to court next week. There apparently is a service out there that will assist mom in the home but there is a 2 year waiting list. I am not really sure what will happen.

Baby K got see her mom this week. Her mom is back in a therapeutic group home. She has a tendency to run "quickly" from these types of places. I'm hoping she will stay in one place for a while. K's mom has lived in 5 different places since the baby was placed with us. Its so sad to see this "girl" struggle so much. Please pray for her. She has NO ONE!! God put her baby in our life for a reason. I know He is capable of doing big things for this young mom. It was no mistake that K came into care just at the same time a baby was leaving my home. Within 5 hours I had a baby girl leave and another baby girl come. This baby girl who at 2 weeks old was desperate for love. Now she is 6 months old and lights up any room she is in. She is crawling, babbling, and just full of life!!

Cardiology, Early Steps, and More

2011-05-03T14:58:00.002-04:00

Baby M was seen by the cardiologist again today. She is being followed due to her Marfan's Syndrome. Everything looks good and we go back in 3 months. I also talked to the Early Steps coordinator today. Their guidelines for kids qualifying has become more strict. Unfortunately, but fortunately, baby M was "low" in all areas and therefore qualified. We just have to wait for her CM to fill out all the consents and we should hopefully have an appointment by the end of the month. Early Steps is a wonderful program that does a "head to toe" evaluation and if the baby/child is delayed in areas they offer services for them. They even come out to your home!! (Love that part!)

Baby K was due for a visit today. I had made both babies' mom's cards with the girls foot print and hand print along with a little poem. I also put together a photo album for each of pictures from the time we got them until now. Unfortunately, Baby K didn't go on her visit. Apparently her mom tried to "hurt" herself and was moved to the crisis center. Such a sad situation!

I hope every mom who reads my blog has a wonderfully blessed Mother's Day!!

Visit or No Visit

2011-04-22T08:32:00.002-04:00

Today will be the 3rd attempt in 3 days for baby M to have a visit. Last week when court was postponed until next Monday, additional visit time was requested for Mom. So baby M should have had her normal visit on Wednesday and then an extra visit yesterday. On Wednesday, mom no-showed. When called, she was confused because the case manager told her to ALSO come in on Thursday for a visit. Yesterday, the case manager was 45 minutes late picking her up before she called and said she was sitting in a parking lot on the interstate. I generously told her I had no plans today if she wanted to try again since mom has court on Monday and she would be going with no visit instead of extra visits. They just left.....hopefully mom will show up :)

Happenings....

2011-04-19T11:21:00.002-04:00

I have fortunately been in contact with both case managers this week.....

Baby M's mom had her trial last Friday. Apparently she needed more time with her lawyer so they rescheduled for next Monday. Her case manager did tell me that they have requested for mom to have more time for visits during the week. They are also looking into in home services to assist mom in parenting because they have determined she can not parent alone and has a learning disorder. I'm not sure how this will all work out. I am just so worried that her Dr's appointments will get neglected. She is currently being seen by a Cardiologist, Opthamologist, Geneticist, and a GI doctor. Her pediatrician also would like for her to be evaluated by Early Steps (on my to do list to make appointment). Her case manager doesn't even keep tabs on who she is seeing and when. I am confident that "right" thing will happen for her. It is very hard not being in control!!

As of this morning, Baby K's mom has been located. She is back at the all the women's facility that she ran away from last week. We will see if/when her visits start back up. Her case manager is filing a motion to have her visits supervised at the CJC (juvenile center) where it is secure with police and video cameras. Mom's next court date is May 11.

Our FDS (family development specialist) is coming today for her quarterly visit. This will be the first time that she has come that I have the same children as her last visit :)

Let me tell you, these two little girls keep me on my toes! Baby K is cutting tooth number two and wants to crawl in a bad way! It warms my heart to no end that she is such a happy baby! All you have to do is look at her and she will light up your world with her smile. Baby M's personality is just so sweet. She talks to you (in her own baby way) and it is fun to make her laugh. She isn't so much into the whole moving thing. She still only rolls herself over from her stomach to her back when she is mad. I don't think she has even attempted to try her back to her stomach. LOL!

Genetics and Instincts

2011-04-12T12:30:00.002-04:00

Yesterday baby M was seen by a Geneticist regarding her "possible" Marfan Syndrome. Up until this point the only reason this syndrome was suspected was because 'mom' has it and baby M's fingers are really long. The genetic counselor called and spoke to mom last Friday. Apparently the mom and grandfather supposedly have Marfan. Neither have been genetically tested and according to the Dr's yesterday they could possibly have something else. To make a long visit short, we decided to have baby M tested specifically for Marfan. I was told even if the test comes back negative, they are going to follow her like she has the syndrome. The main concerns are her heart and eyes. She has already been seen by a Cardiologist and Opthamologist and so far she looks good. We should have her blood work results back in about 3 weeks.

Baby K was due for her weekly visit this morning. In my mind it is always a gamble in whether it will actually happen or not. I sit around watching the clock and waiting to see if the transporter will show up. Today I even had the "urge" to tell the transporter when he got here that I would be running errands. Well he showed up and I forgot to say anything, so off and away I went to run my errands (with just one baby). I was at stop #3 when my phone rang. No name came up but it looked "suspicious". Of course, it was baby K's case manager on the other end telling me that "mom" ran away last night. I had her hang up and call the transporter. Unfortunately he was already at may street but she needed him to go pick up a check for me anyway so she made him turn around. (I am sure he was thrilled to take this 5 month old back into town.) I guess the moral of today's story is, when you feel you need to tell someone what you are doing, you better tell them!

As a side, selfish note. I wish they would just terminate baby K's mom's rights. Her behavior is horrible. She has no respect for adults or authority. She has been placed in a couple different homes with people who truly wanted to help her. If she was "trying" for the sake of her baby, I wouldn't feel this way. Right now her baby is so happy and full of life. I want to keep her that way!

Relative Placement

2011-04-09T14:59:00.002-04:00

Earlier this week I got a phone call from baby M's case manager telling me that she and her supervisor were going to meet with a "relative" about possible placement. What??? Back in February there was a staffing (which they do every 90 days to discuss where the case is and where it is going) and I got a copy of the report. In it I saw that there was a person who had gone for fingerprinting but there had not been anything else done. I had even questioned the cm soon after and she wasn't sure what was going on with this person. So imagine my surprise when I got this phone call. The cm's supervisor had already gone to this person's house and conducted a home study and had "approved" it. They were meeting with this relative again this week because she had questions regarding whether she was going to get paid.

I hadn't heard anything regarding this meeting by Wednesday so I emailed the cm. She told me that they had asked for "proof" of being a relative (if you aren't related, the state won't pay you as a non-relative placement) and that they needed a letter from her doctor saying she was ok to parent (she is receiving SS benefits and her reason for getting them just wasn't adding up). This morning the cm came for an "announced" visit and one of the first things she told me was that the placement had been denied. I was so grateful for this. This baby has a lot of Dr's appointments and while I didn't know the "health" problems, I just felt her being moved wasn't right for her. The CM got a phone call from the doctor of the relative stating NO she can not parent due to a "specific" reason.

Now we wait for Friday when her mom is going to trial because she has denied her allegations. We go to the geneticist on Monday and her pediatrician has asked that we have her evaluated by Early Steps. I love Early Steps. They do an "all over" evaluation to assess if she is on "target" for her age. This baby keeps me on my toes. She is so sweet and is really developing a wonderful personality!

Schedules and Communication

2011-03-29T10:27:00.002-04:00

I have some blog readers out there that are in the process of starting their foster care journey or are right here beside us along for the crazy ride. I am posting this to "vent". I know there are many out there that have walked this frustrating journey. When it comes to communication, I just feel this is one of the most important aspects of the relationship between the foster parent and case manager! I will tell you, the two cases I have right now have been the most frustrating out of all 13 placements when it comes to communication. My first placement, his visits were never consistent, but his case manager always communicated!! These two, I sit around waiting for someone to show up and they don't!

In baby M's case, I emailed her case manager last Friday inquiring about her visit for this week. When she was here for her monthly visit earlier in the month, she had told me there was court the morning of March 30th. Well, baby M goes for visits on Wednesday mornings. Last week her transporter cancelled the visit because the parents didn't confirm. So I took it upon myself to email the case manager to find out when the visit would be this week. On Friday her email stated that the visit would still be Wednesday morning. So I emailed back and asked "so there is no court Wednesday?". No response. Yesterday I get a phone call from the same case manager stating, there is court on Wednesday so she will have her visit Thursday morning. Grrr!!!

For baby K, her visits got messed up last week due to her moving to a different place. In my email it stated her visits would go back to Tuesday mornings starting this week. Here I am sitting around waiting (I have formula I need to go get!) and guess what, no one comes! So I just sent an email (with last weeks email attached) please asking that I be informed of when she might be going on a visit!! So frustrating!! All I am asking for is a little communication :)

Good Visit

2011-03-25T14:12:00.002-04:00

Today baby K went for a visit with her mom. She hasn't seen her in a couple of weeks due to the circumstances of last week. I know God has His hand in all of this. Normally her visits are on Tuesday and we have a transporter who picks her up and supervises the visits. When her mom had been going to the HKI office for the weekly visits she also had a transporter pick her up and take her for the visit. Through those weekly visits the mom and her transporter had built a good report with one another. Well today the mom's transporter was the one to come get baby K and take her to see her mom. This woman is a little older and clearly has a heart for this mom. I was so appreciative of her today and we were able to talk for a while when they got back. The mom is still refusing to take any of her medications and does not like where she is living. With her track record, this probably will mean at some point she will eventually take off. I keep praying that getting to see her baby every week would be enough to keep her in one place. I know she loves this baby girl. I have been told by different people that she is a totally different person (in a good way) when she is around her baby. Please keep this young mom in your prayers. She has NO support system. God placed her baby in my home for a reason. Maybe He knew we could be the "spiritual" support system she needs.

Permanency Staffing for baby K

2011-03-17T20:47:00.002-04:00

We went to our first staffing today. Its kind of crazy to think that we have been doing this for 15 months, have had 13 placements, and this is the first staffing we have attended. Basically there is a staffing every 90 days to "catch" everyone involved in the case up to date where the case is at. Baby K's mom's case plan was just approved in court last week. Since her mom is a teen who is in care herself things get a little complicated.

A major thing that was discussed was the fact that the judge overseeing our case is also the judge for the mom's case. This, they feel, is a conflict of interest. So they are going to request a new judge to be assigned to our case. They are wanting mom to attend some anger management classes but they are having a hard time finding a referral for one geared towards teens. Another request is for a parenting psychological evaluation. It was explained today to us that attorneys try to avoid these because they determine whether the parent is capable of "parenting". If this particular evaluation deems them not capable then there isn't much of a chance of the parent getting the child back on their own. If they have family support then it can still be an option. There is no family support in this case.

There is also the major factor of the mom being very unstable. She is currently in an all girls facility. This is the 4th place she has lived in about a month. She has ran away twice in this time frame. She has also been removed from two foster homes because of her behavior. Apparently this has been her track record for the past several years.

The case manager and I discussed how we both feel bad for this mom. We don't condone her behavior but we both agreed that she was failed early on in life. We made it perfectly clear that the baby's safety was our number one priority. We also told them, YES, we would adopt if it comes to the parental rights being terminated. This is a long process. The case manager must first work to try to offer any and every service that is available to help this mom. They will have to prove this in court. We have a long road ahead of us. We are very fortunate that we are going to be able to give the baby a loving, stable environment for as long as she is with us. If she gets a good start with us and then must move on, we will know once again that we did are best for this child for the time we were given to care for her!

Troubled Momma

2011-03-15T20:28:00.002-04:00

Tuesday's are baby K's day to go for visits. When I woke up today I had this feeling that she would not be going on her visit. The main reason was that I had not yet heard from her mom's foster mom regarding extended visits. Last Thursday our case manager had told me that the foster mom of K's mom would be calling me that day and she never did. I hadn't heard from her as of this morning. Since baby K's mom got the news last Wednesday that she was adjudicated I had a feeling she may start acting out. I have had no confirmation of this up until today.
We have a 3rd cell phone in our home because we do not have a land line. We partly got it so if I ever "misplaced" my phone I still had access to a phone. We also decided it would the number we would give out if we ever felt there needed to be communication between a "bio family" and us. This is the number we had given to baby K's mom's foster mom. Nobody ever calls us on this number and felt that at any point it was being "abused" we could always have the number changed.
Well, my wonderful husband dropped his cell phone on Sunday and we were waiting for his replacement to come in today. He happened to take the "3rd" cell phone with him to work today. At a little after 8:30 this morning he calls me and the first thing out of his mouth was "do not let the baby go on her visit today". Ok, what's going on. Apparently he got a phone call from the other foster mom stating not to let the baby come today. Yesterday the baby's mom was to go to a dr's appointment and she didn't want to go. I am not sure what all transpired between the mom and foster mom but the end result was that the foster mom was physically assaulted by the baby's mom. When Ron told me this I had tears in my eyes. My heart went out to this woman. Apparently when her husband got home last night he had "words" with the baby's mom and she took off. They called the cops and from what we were told the cops called the mom's cell phone and left her a message to get in contact with her foster family. I am not sure if she has been in contact with anyone or has been located.
There have been so many thoughts going through my head today. What if the baby had been there? What could she potentially do to her baby if she is able to act this way towards adults. I have just been sick over this. Not only for the "what if's" but also that this foster mom didn't deserve what she got. She was just doing her "job". The state requires us to stay on top of their health. This mom is a minor!
On Thursday of this week there is a permanency staffing. We just found out about it today but Ron was able to get the day off and we are going. At this staffing they will discuss whether this case will still be considered reunification, concurrent, or termination of parental rights. I have a feeling it will stay concurrent. Since the baby was just adjudicated last week I think it is too early to moved towards TPR. Concurrent means it will still stay in "reunification" status but with a contingency plan being worked for TPR. Basically they can start some of the "paperwork" towards TPR.
This will be the first meeting that we have been to for her. We are getting a new case manager starting next week. I believe she is well aware of everything that has been going on and our current case manager told me I could still call her at any time. I think showing up for this meeting will help us not only hear first hand what is going on but also show them that we are very serious about our intentions for baby K. We love her and it is so hard to know that when she is on visits I can't be there to protect her.
Please keep this case in your thoughts and prayers. Please also think of her mom too. She is so young and I don't feel she has always been done "right" by the state. It does not excuse her behavior and I really feel she was with a good foster family.

The Verdict Is....

2011-03-10T12:22:00.002-05:00

Adjudicated! What does this mean? Baby K will be with us for a while (unless some long lost relative comes along). Her mom will be assigned a case plan. The judge has also asked that baby K and her mom spend more time together each week. I am greatful that the judge did not put a specific time (like in baby J's case). The mom's foster mom has agreed to supervise the extra visits. Our case manager has suggested allowing baby K go spend a whole day with mom. While I am very nervous about this, I have to remind myself she is not my child and I have to trust others! This is very hard. My specific fear is that her mom will try to run away with her. Again, the system has to do their job and I have to allow them. On the other hand, I know these extended visits will bring out very quickly any issues that the mom may have in "parenting" her child. She does not like anyone to tell her what to do. The foster mom and the case manager have both stated to her that she is a new mom and needs to try to be open to help, suggestions, and/or advice.

As for baby M, her case manager just came by for a home visit. Baby M's mom will be going to court on March 30th for her disposition hearing. Here she will either consent, agree, or deny her allegations. From there (if she consents) they are going to ask for a psych evaluation. She has already worked case plans for her other 3 children. She has taken many classes and unfortunately can not tell anyone what she learned from them. The other 3 children will permanently stay with their biological fathers. Unfortunately baby M's dad and his mother have a very rough past. So they are unable to have her in their home.

Court on Wednesday

2011-03-07T14:51:00.002-05:00

On Wednesday baby K's mom is going to court for her trial. She has denied her allegations and so this is the next step in her process. This case is kind of complicated. "Mom" is under the age of 18 and is also in a foster care placement. She has been in and out of foster care for over 10 years. So baby K has a case manager and mom has a case manager. We are being assigned our 3rd case manager since December, ugh! We have been told repetedly that the baby will NOT be going back to mom. She has already ran away once since we have had her baby. My heart absolutely breaks for this young mom. She has been placed in a home recently that "sounds" like it might "work" for her. Only time will tell. We were already asked to submit a letter stating that should this case go to termination of parental rights, that we would want to adopt. I am not wanting to get our hopes up, I just want what is ultimately going to be best for her.

For those of you have been with us from the beginning, we wanted the same thing with our first placement. He went to his grandparents. We still play the "what if" games about him but there is no turning the clock back. God has a plan for every child that comes into our home. He also has a plan for our specific family. Please pray that the court will "hear" everything that is important for this case. Because of the change in case managers I am not confident that I will hear anything on Wednesday. For some reason the two cases we have right now both really lack in the communication department. I am trusting that God will give us the news that we need to know in the timeframe that we need to know it.

Thanks for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers! Can you believe these babies are already 3 and 4 months old? That means we have had them for 2 1/2 and 3 1/2 months! God does answer prayers! (I prayed back in November for a placement to come and stay for more than one month) :)

Mixed Emotions

2011-02-15T09:32:00.003-05:00

This morning I had an "unannounced" visit from baby K's case manager. This is a new case manager to the case and I hadn't met her yet. I was expecting the transporter to come to get the baby (but an hour later). I really like this case manager and it sounds like she and her supervisor don't mess around. As we were talking she got a phone call that she had to take. While I can't share a lot of details, the baby's mom has made some very poor choices and therefore there would be no visit today. This mom is a teenager who is also in foster care. It breaks my heart that she is so angry at "everyone" that there has been no one able to break through the "tough skin". We don't think she understands that her actions are pushing her further away from her baby.

As far as the case goes, the mom has denied her allegations and the case is going to trial on March 9th. From there we will see what happens. There is no family members that can take custody of the baby. We are all she has. We have already told the case manager that we would adopt her if the parental rights are terminated. We will submit a letter for them to keep in her file for if/when the judge changes the status from reunification with parent to termination of parental rights. The earliest this could take place would be August/September. A lot can happen between now and then.

All we want is what is best for baby K. God knows His plans for her. We anxiously await to see what those plans are.

10 weeks and counting....

2011-01-28T13:32:00.002-05:00

Its hard to believe that the oldest of our 2 placements will be 3 months old next week. I also can't believe we have had her for almost 2 months :) Her little personality just continues to come out more and more every day. She has also discovered the art of rolling over from her stomach to her back this week (very frustrating when she is tired and only likes to sleep on her tummy). I love that she tries to "talk" to me when I talk to her. She has got the biggest smile ever! She's turning into just a fun little baby to have around. Our two older girls love to talk to her and get her to smile.

We always get the question "how long are you going to have them for?". A lot of people don't really understand how foster care works and that there is no set time frame for how long we could have a placement. Many of you know that we had our first placement for 7 months, then 10 placements for a month or less, and now we are going on 6 weeks and 10 weeks with our current two placements. Our good friends who we met during our training classes has had their first placement for almost 14 months and now his case is going to TPR (termination of parental rights) and they are so excited that he is going to become a permanent part of their family. So as you can see, every case is different and there is no telling when the end will be here and what that outcome will be.

Over the next two weeks our almost 3 month olds' case will be going to pre-trial and then possible trial. Her mom is denying the allegations and therefore has not begun a case plan yet. This case is extremely different from any other case we have dealt with. Her mom is a minor and is also in a foster home. She unfortunately not only has the allegations that caused the baby to be taken from her but she also added to her "troubles". There have been threats, she has had run-ins with the law, and has trouble at school. I don't think she really understands the consequences of her actions where it concerns her baby. It breaks my heart that this "child's" needs were not met earlier in her life. She has been in out of foster care for many years and I feel the "system" has failed her. The case managers involved try to give her guidance but she is past the point of listening. I know she cares for her baby. She brings gifts for her weekly and in the past couple weeks I have picked the baby up from her "visit" and have watched (from a distance) her mom telling her good-bye. It truly breaks my heart and sometimes I wish there was more I could do for the mom. I have felt blessed to have this baby in my home. We love her so much and I am glad to be able to instill some "positiveness" in her life.

Medical Foster Care

2011-01-19T19:57:00.003-05:00

Right after we first got licensed Ron had asked our FDS about Medical Foster Care and all that it entailed. She didn't really have any answers because our agency only licensed for "traditional" foster care. At the time she said we would have to switch agencies and I was not ready or willing to do that! There is "medical" and also "therapeutic". I had read in in a newsletter over the past couple of months that our agency is now licensing for medical foster care. I had put it on the back burner because we have enough going on right now :)

Our FDS comes out to our home quarterly and she was out today for her visit. She was asking me about both of our "cases" that we have right now. Our 7 week old may have Marfan's syndrome. We do not go to the geneticist until April, so we will not have the "official" diagnosis until then. The baby's mother has it and right now the only "sign" that she has it is that she has extremely long fingers. (As you can see in the picture they are basically double jointed and bend backwards.) Our FDS told us that if she is diagnosed and continues to have multiple doctors appointments that she could possibly be moved to a "medical" foster home. Then our FDS says OR you could be trained to do medical foster care. (She remembered we had been interested). I told her we would do the training. Just because we are trained for medical foster care doesn't mean we have to take in a "medical" case. But it does mean that if our peanut becomes a "medical" case, we could keep her :)

She knows me...

2011-01-12T20:09:00.003-05:00

As most of you know for the past several months we had been nothing but a revolving door of babies. The most recent ones would come to us straight from the hospital and by the time they were a month old a relative had stepped forward to take them.

In November we were placed with a two week old little girl. As of today she is 10 weeks old and at the end of the week we will have had her for 2 months. Over the past couple weeks she has really started to develop her own little personality. She smiles so much and even has tried to laugh and make some "talking" noises. Every morning when I go in to get her she gives me the biggest smile. It warms my heart to see her so happy.

Yesterday her case manager brought her back from her visit and came in to hold the other baby (baby "M") and chat for a little while. I went over to baby "K" and started talking to her. She gave me her big smile and was just really interacting with me. Her case manager stood there amazed stating she had never seen her act like that. She stated that she could tell she has really bonded with me. It made me feel good that her case manager could see the bonding. It is so important for any baby to be able to bond with someone. It stays with them for the rest of their life (even if I am not with them for that long).

Visit...No Visit

2011-01-07T12:47:00.002-05:00

I know I haven't really posted much about our two latest additions. Baby "K" came to us right before Thanksgiving and baby "M" came to us right before Christmas. Their circumstances are completely different but yet both cases bring their fair share of frustration!

The babies themselves are doing wonderfully. They are growing and baby "K" has even started giving us her 100 watt smile! It melts my heart every time I see it. She comes from a very young mother and there is no support from any family. So sad. Baby "M" was taken due to her siblings already being under state custody. Her siblings are with their biological father but she has a different father and could not be placed with him. So far no other family has stepped forward to take her.

By November when I knew that both of our current placements would most likely be going to relatives I started "whining" to God. Asking him please to just give us a placement that would come and stay. LOL!! I know have TWO that look like they will not be going anywhere anytime soon. I guess He does answer prayer. I know I have been told, "be careful what you wish/pray for". It could happen and in abundance. The babies are currently 9 weeks old and 5 weeks old. The older one is sleeping through the night already. The younger one was a preemie, so she still likes to keep me up all hours of the night.

Baby "K's" mom has had her visit cancelled two weeks in a row now. Last week the visit lasted for 15 minutes before the mom got so angry at everyone that they had to cancel it. My heart breaks for this young mom. She has no support system and she herself lives in a foster home. I have been told she is very mentally delayed. She has been in and out of foster care for many years and I just feel she has been failed by the "system". I don't think she understands the consequences involving her baby when she acts out. She is basically angry at the world and is going to take her anger out on anyone she can. Today the case manager called to confirm her visit this morning and when the transporter got to the mom's house to pick her up, no one was home. The case manager called the mom and she said she went to school. This is a new development because as of last week she hadn't gone back to school.

As for baby "M" her case manager does not communicate well at all. I have had the baby for almost a month now and I have only seen the case manager once. I have to call her to find out when the visits are scheduled. I have no clue what is going on with the case other than what I was told when I first got the baby. Fortunately there is a transporter who will be coming and picking her up every week for the visit. He told me he is a stickler for following the rules and he will call me if/when there is no confirmation for the visit. Oh and this is the first case where I have a regularly scheduled day and time every week for her visit. For this, I am so grateful!! I am praying that the holidays is what caused the poor communication and her case manager will start communicating a little better.

I wish I could post pictures of them. They are both so very cute! We have a house full of girls and it is wonderful!!

Happy New Year!

2011-01-01T11:36:00.002-05:00

I borrowed this from my friend who borrowed it from another blogger.....but it is so fitting, I had to share!

You might be a foster mom if....

You always have a phone with just in case you get a call from placement

You know what the acronyms GAL, CM, FDS, & TPR mean

You change your plans often because a social worker has to get his/her visit in TODAY!

You ask your husband for another baby for Christmas...no other presents :)

You get crazy stares and comments because your family looks like the United Nations

You love a child the moment s/he comes into your home...even though you just met!

You have every size clothing in storage "just in case"

All your household cleansers and medicines are all locked up

You have more carseats than you do kids

You know that heartbreak can happen, but do it anyway!

You want to be "paper pregnant" and not really pregnant

You have to deal with people that make you want to scream, but do it anyway because you love the kid so much!

You have to get permission to get your kid's hair cut

You cringe over every bump and bruise because you will have to explain it someone

You know how incredibly crazy it all is and you still choose to do it all anyway!!!

Considering I had 13 placements last year, I had to laugh at "you always have your phone". I have slept with my phone, turned back around to go get my phone, and cringed when I saw I missed placements call. Everything listed above is 100% the truth. The top of the baby room closet is lined with rubbermaid bins filled with clothes for both boys and girls! There are more car seats and strollers in our garage than Ron could ever imagine possible, LOL!! Its crazy what we go through, but yet I wouldn't trade it for the world.

2010 was a crazy year for us. I can't even begin to think what 2011 will hold. I do know that I am given the awesome privilege of loving on two baby girls to start out the year. I couldn't ask for anything more :)

It's been a while....

2010-12-23T17:37:00.002-05:00

Well it has been a while since I have posted any updates. Of course another baby has left and another one has arrived. I feel like we are the baby factory. Its a good thing we love it!

We received our most recent addition last Monday. She was a preemie born at 34 weeks. She stayed in the hospital for 13 days and was discharged weighing a whopping 4lbs 8oz. We have never held a baby so small! I took her to the Dr that Thursday and she still weighed the same. I started feeding her an ounce more at each feeding and we went back for a weight check today and she weighed 6lbs 1oz! I made the nurse weigh her twice and even the Dr questioned if she was weighed with clothes on (which they are not). So needless to say, she got a clean bill of health and we don't have to take her back until her 2 month check up. We do have specialist appointments in the beginning of January due to her possibly having Marfan's syndrome. She has extremely long fingers (to the point that her fingertips bend backwards....yes it is a little weird to see). There are other symptoms that go along with this syndrome and apparently her mother has it. She has a fetal heart murmur (meaning the holes in the heart that are to close before birth have not closed yet) so we will be seeing the cardiologist. She is a beautiful, sweet baby and we are happy that we were chosen to care for her.

Our other little bundle is 7 weeks old and looks even bigger than that compared to her 3 week old counterpart. She weighs over 11 pounds and is beautiful! It looks like we may be keeping her for a while. She comes from some pretty sad circumstances and it doesn't look like there are any relatives out there to take her. As the pediatrician put it, she can be pretty "high maintenance" on a daily basis to the point you could consider it colic. We love her so much and just try to do the best we can to comfort her!

Its hard to believe just 1 year ago we celebrated our 1st foster baby's 1st Christmas. Since then we have had a total of 11 children come and go out of our home. 6 of them will be celebrating their 1st Christmas with their families! I still am amazed by the number of children (mostly babies) that have come into our home and made a forever impression on our hearts.

Thank you for your continued prayer and support. May God bless you through this holiday season!

ONE YEAR!

2010-12-10T08:50:00.002-05:00

Can you believe it was one year ago today that we not only got word that our foster care license had been approved but then a few hours later we got the call for our first placement! I have to tell you nothing could have prepared us for this crazy first year of being a foster family.

We have had 12 placements in 12 months. Our 1st placement stayed with us for 7 months. Every other placement since then has been with us for less than a month. We had one placement for less than 24 hours! We had 8 placements coming to us a month old or younger. 5 of those placements were newborns straight from the hospital. The other 4 placements (that weren't infants) were ages 1, 2, 3, & 4. I believe part of the reason we have been placed with so many babies is because I don't work. Infants can not go into a childcare facility until they are 6 weeks old. Therefore, placement has to find someone who doesn't work to care for them.

I have to tell you I really thought we were going to have to go through the emotional roller coaster of having a foster baby stay with us for a year or longer. I really thought that sometime next year we would be struggling with the fact that a bio parent had worked their tasks and their child was on their way towards reunification. We haven't had to experience that (yet). It was definitely hard letting our 1st placement go. At the same time we know he is the light in his grandparents eyes and we have had the honor of staying in contact with them through email.

As you can see it has taken me all evening to get to this post. It has been one crazy day. Our current baby went for a visit today and it did not go well. If you could keep her and her bio mom in your thoughts and prayers, we would really appreciate it. While she was away this morning I got the phone call from placement. The one saying "your FDS told us you would take this baby girl". So yes, #13 should be here this weekend. She too is coming straight from the hospital. She was a preemie so they are still monitoring her and she should be discharged (as long as everything is well) sometime this weekend.

We love what we do. We have a wonderful support system. We had the opportunity to meet and become good friends with another foster family who went through training with us. Their foster journey has been completely different from ours. They received their first placement just a few days before us and they still have their 1st placement. It has been great having them to lean on, to vent to, to seek advice and/or their opinion. No one can understand better what you are going through than someone who is walking in your shoes.

I can only imagine what year two of this journey holds for us. We love what we do and continue to be excited every time a new placement comes our way. Thank you so much for your thoughts, prayers, and support. You will never know how much we depend and need it everyday!

Oh My, What A Week!!

2010-11-18T12:44:00.002-05:00

So I have to back up to Monday just to try to explain what a crazy week it has been revolving around our precious foster babies. Monday morning I woke up knowing that at 9am our 1 week old's case was going to court for a status hearing. Our case manager had called me on Friday letting me know that "Grandma" was planning to move over the weekend so she could be closer to her job and therefore be able to take in the newborn (she walks 3 miles to the bus stop with his 16 month old brother). I asked what "Grandma" was going to do with the baby while she worked and apparently she had told the CM that she had found a daycare to take him. I was like, hmmm, never heard of a daycare taking a child under 6 weeks of age. Well, "Grandma" got sick over the weekend, didn't move, and came to the realization that there would have been no way she would have been able to care for both boys while sick. REALITY CHECK!! THANK YOU LORD! Also, she couldn't find a daycare to take him under 6 weeks of age! So now, we will wait until the arraignment in December to see what happens.

For our little 7 week old baby girl, as of Monday afternoon, court wasn't scheduled until the first week of December for her modification of placement. Ok, going to have both until then. Then, Monday evening the CM updated me with a court hearing for next Wednesday for her. Ok, no problem. Sounds a little more realistic anyway. On Tuesday at around 4pm, the CM calls and said the babies' family was able to get their attorney to get them on the court docket for the next day. WOW!!

Wednesday(yesterday) came and the CM called at about 11am and she said that it was the shortest court hearing she has ever been to. Neither side had objections and the judge said GRANTED! So by noon, our 7 week old little girl was on her way to her aunt's house.

So after our little girl left, I emailed my FDS to let her know the baby had been moved. I didn't really let her know either way if we were willing to take another one right away or not. Well.......

At about a little bit after 5pm last night my phone rings and it is our FDS. Hmmmm, why is she calling me after business hours? Only one reason...... "Karen, I have a 2 week old baby girl who needs a home." Well, I can't say no.

I can honestly say that is the quickest I have had one baby leave and another one arrive. The two babies we currently have are only FIVE DAYS apart in age. So we have twins: 1 boy, 1 girl!! LOVE THEM!!

Eleven Placements in Eleven Months

2010-11-12T16:33:00.002-05:00

What a crazy, busy week we have had. We got a two day old little guy on Tuesday evening. We still have our little princess who is 6 weeks old. I thought our little princess would be leaving us soon, but there still is no word of a court date yet. We love her to pieces, so we don't mind keeping her. We came to getting the little guy because these two have the same case manager. The CM had been telling me about the mom of the little guy and that the grandmother has the 16 month old brother and didn't want the baby. Since I really like this case manager, I told her I would take him. I honestly didn't think he would be here until next week and by then, I thought the princess would be at her new castle (her aunts'). As of today, it looks like the little guy might be going to grandma after all. We will find out for sure on Monday. I guess once a baby is born and the heart strings have been tugged on, people come to have a change of heart.

So if he goes, we will once again be putting ourselves out there to take another placement. I would love to have one placement for more than a month. I know the longer we have a placement, the more attached we could possibly become. Can I tell you though, that we almost immediately fall in love with these little people as soon as they come through our door. How could you not? They are innocent human beings that just have a need for love! I guess God knows this family has big hearts and the capacity to love many babies!!

God Knows Best!

2010-11-04T13:40:00.002-04:00

I got news yesterday that our little princess' aunt has "unofficially" passed her home study. Her background check has already come back and is ok. This means that in the next week or so, we will once again be saying good-bye. While we have our selfish desires and are hopelessly head over heals in love with this little girl, I know that this is what is "right" for her. She needs to be with her family. I understand that this is what is best for all children (its just not always what is safe).
I just want to share with you that I truly believe (like in every other child that has been placed with us) that God placed her here specifically for the time she has been here. She was initially taken due to her sister being "neglected" nutritionally and medically. Our little princess came to us a preemie, spending 10 days in the NICU. Let me show you how God used us for the benefit of this little girl.
The following Monday after we got her, we had to take her for her 72 hour post-placement check up with a pediatrician. She checked out well and weighed 5 pounds 4 ounces. Eight days later we find ourselves being admitted to the hospital with her because she is running a 102 (+) fever that it took over 24 hours to keep down. 2 weeks later we go to a Cardiologist follow-up and are sent to the ER for some concerns (thankfully everything was fine and we came home that night). Yesterday I took her to the pediatrician I try to use for our foster children. She looked GREAT (words from the doctor) and weighed a whopping 7 pounds 1 ounce.
In less than one month I have been to 2 hospitals and 4 doctors visits with this baby. In less than one month this baby has gained almost TWO pounds! Did I mention she is just 1 month old!!
So you see, I firmly believe God knew this baby was going to need some medical and nutrition intervention! How awesome that we were chosen to complete this task. Coincidence? I think not! God knows what He is doing!!

Oh What a Week!! (Take two)

2010-10-30T20:58:00.002-04:00

So I started this week knowing that our little princess would be having two follow-up doctor's appt's and a visit with her biological mom. On Monday I made a WIC appt and had her GAL and the behavior lady call and schedule to come out to the house.
Ok, so her comes the crazy week! I go to the WIC office on Tuesday only to find a note on the door stating that they are closed for staff training. No wonder it was so easy to get an appt the next day! So now we are having to drive farther on Monday, oh well. On Wednesday I got to meet her Guardian ad Litem. She is a wonderful lady who has been doing this for SIXTEEN Years!! What a wonderful person. Our princess has a GAL because her sister was assigned one. This is the first true GAL we have had for any of our placements. She gave me more insight to the sister's case and the family we are dealing with.
On Thursday the "behavior" (there is a more technical name but I can never remember it) lady came and basically asked me questions about our little peanut. Thursday afternoon we had to go to a follow-up appt with a cardiologist because she was born with a heart murmur. To make a very long appt short, the Dr was concerned because she was having rapid breathing and there was a little fluid around her heart. He told me that he wanted me to take her to the ER where they would proceed to do blood work, stick an IV in, and admit her. He was determined that she was going to be admitted! I told him that he didn't understand that it was not a good day to be going to the hospital. My girls were with their Grandpa because my mom and husband had just left to go out of town for the weekend. UGH!! (Ok, fine, I will take her, but little does he know that I have wonderful Prayer warriors that I was going to call and insist that they pray we don't get admitted!) After 5 hours in the ER, multiple tests run, her breath rate monitored, she was Ok'd to GO HOME!! I do believe that GOD does answer prayers!!
On Friday, little peanut went to visit with "mom" (whom she had seen the day before at the DR for about 3 hours) but also got to visit with her 16 month old sister.
On this coming Monday is the arraignment for her case. There is an "aunt" who has come forward, passed her background check, and is awaiting her home study to be completed. As always, my prayer is that God allows what he feels is best for this precious little girl. We have been through so much with her in such a short amount of time. Her sister's case is up for her 6 month review on Wednesday and she may be able to come out of Medical Foster Care. We could possibly get her or they could both be going to the aunt. I know that God is going to watch over and protect these two little girls. They have both been through so much in their short time here on earth.

Oh What a Week!!

2010-10-30T20:52:00.001-04:00

So sick

2010-10-18T20:08:00.002-04:00

What an interesting few days we have had. On Friday I took off for a women's conference in downtown Tampa. I had made arrangements for our little peanut to stay with some wonderful friends overnight who are foster parents. On Saturday morning I got a phone call from them stating that she had been running a high fever since 1am. My conference was getting ready to start at 9am and was supposed to last all day. Ron had a funeral that he was supposed to attend that day. But it was very apparent the peanut needed to be seen by a doctor. Ron said he would go get her and take her to the ER and I was to stay at my conference. Well, because her fever would break with tylenol but them come back a couple hours later, they decided to admit her. They drew blood and also performed a spinal tap. On Sunday they drew more blood and did a nasal wash. All the results were NEGATIVE. After 24 hours of fever, the antibiotics had finally kicked in and the fever stayed away. We got to come home today with a diagnosis of a "possible" virus.

I have to tell you what saddened me the most about this whole experience was seeing the other babies that shared our room have no one there to hold them and love on them. It just broke my heart. The nurses expressed to me how much they wished they had more time to just sit and hold and rock them. Ron and I went and grabbed something to eat on Saturday evening and while we were there I told him there was no way I could leave her there alone. There was another foster baby in the room and his foster mom got him situated in the room and then I didn't see her again the 3 days we were there. She had two other children with her and it may have been that she just did not have the family/friend support to be able to come back. Just seeing this made me so grateful for my friends and family. They didn't hesitate to offer to care for our girls so I could stay with the baby. I didn't HAVE to stay with her. I CHOSE to stay with her because I love her as if she were my own!

I don't know how long we will have this little one. I do know that God placed her in our home for us to be here to take care of her during this sickness. Through this experience specifically, God has shown me why I have these children for a "season". He brings them to us when they need us the most. How awesome is that!! I feel honored over and over that I (we) have been chosen to care for these little ones.

A new little one

2010-10-09T11:00:00.002-04:00

Last night we got a new placement. She is a week and a half old. She was born premature (34 weeks gestation) and 4 lbs 11 oz. The hospital kept her for about 10 days because a few little things they wanted to watch. She has a 15 month old sister that is in medical foster care already. The situation is sad. Please keep these two little girls in your prayers. The baby has been great since we got her. She is just tiny :)

A Need

2010-10-07T20:14:00.003-04:00

Today I have gotten two phone calls for placements of sibling groups. The first call was for a 2 year old and 4 year old. We specifically take "under 2 years old". Do you know how hard it is for me to turn down children that need a place to stay!! I have taken these ages and my family is just not ready to handle the "baggage" that comes with them. I was told why these children were taken and it was not going to be an easy road.

About an our ago my FDS calls me. Of course the first thing out of my mouth is "why are you calling me at 7:30 at night". She was filling in for her supervisor and apparently placement called with 3 siblings needing somewhere for them to go. They were 2 years old and 1 year old twins. My heart lurched but at the same time my brain is going "2 is your limit". I would need 3 car seats for in the morning and my 7 year old would be riding in the front seat to get to school. I told my FDS I would definitely take the twins and would take all three as an "emergency placement". Of course they would like all three to be placed together. Since I haven't received a 2nd phone call I am assuming they found somewhere for all 3 to go.

There is clearly a need for more foster families. I understand that not everyone is "called" to become a foster parent. I am so grateful that God called us to be foster parents. My heart breaks that I am not able to take them all. Through experience I have learned I have a limit when it comes to age and the number in the home. I want to be the best parent I can be to both my biological children and any child that lives with us. If I took multiple children in, we would just "function". I want to be able to "live" and "love".

I love what we do. It is hard when they go but that just means God is preparing us for another child. A lot of these children will never remember us, but I will not forget their name, their age, or when they came. I love that I will have a lot of children in my heart. I love that a piece of "us" goes with them. We loved them, cared for them, and got to play with them. I know that they were filled with joy and happiness while they were with us. THAT is what keeps us taking them over and over. What a blessing for us.

Modified Placement

2010-10-04T14:48:00.002-04:00

On Friday of last week, our little girls' mom went to court for her arraignment. While they were there the judge granted a modified placement of our two girls to their maternal great-aunt. I have had mixed emotions regarding this placement. I am very happy for the 2 year old because she NEEDS to be with her family. Every Friday when she comes home from visiting her mom she is very upset! So this is truly a blessing for her. On the other hand, this aunt had originally told the CPI that she only wanted the 2 year old and not the infant. Now she is willing to take both. I am not sure why she changed her mind. My prayer is that whatever the circumstances that she is willing to love an care for both equally.

The girls left this afternoon at lunch time. Their case manager was kind enough to call me and let me know that they are in "good hands" in a "nice" house. I really did appreciate the call. She was upset about taking them out of our home. They are going to have to go to daycare where they didn't here. I know the girls will be ok and ultimately the best place for them is with their family.

Again, I know that God has a plan for every child that comes in our home. While I sometimes could do without the "revolving door", I still feel honored that I got to care for these children no matter how short the time frame. So right now we have "baby free" house and two cribs waiting to be occupied again.

On another note, our FDS is coming today so we can sign all of our paperwork for our relicensure. I can not believe that it has almost been a year since we got licensed. We have had 8 placements, 1 temporary placement, and 1 respite placement. I am not sure what I was expecting, but I don't think 10 children in and out of our home in our first year ever crossed my mind :)

Jumping through hoops

2010-09-23T19:59:00.002-04:00

What a day!! Our little 2 year old has not been acting herself over the past several days. 2 days ago I heard her while she was napping and it sounded like something "hurt". She couldn't tell me what "it" was that was hurting. I went ahead and called the pediatrician I have used for all our foster children (because she accepts medicaid) and got her an appointment for today. Last night after I put her to bed she kept saying "ow momma" and I was finally able to pinpoint her right ear as the culprit. This morning we get to our appointment 30 mins early (because she was a "new" patient) to (not) fill out all the paperwork (because I know none of her history). After 25 mins of waiting they proceed to tell me that they don't take the form of medicaid she has. I was not happy!! As it was, I had to ask her cm for the medicaid number and just assumed that it was straight medicaid (shame on me for assuming). So I get the 800 # to the insurance because it is an HMO of medicaid I needed to know where I could take her. Well, they wouldn't give me any info because I wasn't listed as her guardian. GRRRR!!! So I proceed to call her CM who did not answer. My last resort was our wonderful FDS, Kelsey. She gave the # to the doctor who sees all the foster kids when they first come into placement. I didn't think it would work since it was an HMO but Kelsey encouraged me to call them. I called and they said "we'll see her". Really?!?!?! When? "Anytime you would like." Can I come in 15 minutes? "Sure!!!!" So sure enough she had an ear infection along with a sinus infection. Thank you Dr. P.!! He will be getting a personal thank you from us. 95% of his patients are foster children. He clearly does his job for the children.

I realized today how much I have taken for granted the ability to pick up the phone and just take my kids to "their" doctor when they are sick. I pay my little copay and I get to see my doctor who I trust usually the same day or next. I am working on getting our 2 little ones switched to a medicaid that our pediatrician will take.

I could have totally taken the easy way out and let my CM deal with this. I didn't realize that part of a case manager's job description is to transport the children to their appointments. I took it literally when they told us to "treat these children like they are our own". I don't have someone else take my girls to the doctor when they are sick. I wouldn't expect it for these precious two either. I want to personally know what is going on because I am the one taking care of them!

Thanks for letting me share/vent. I am praying we will have a "back to normal" 2 year old in the next day or two (thank you again to Dr. P. and the antibiotics).

Case Manager....Finally!

2010-09-16T13:42:00.002-04:00

We finally met our case manager for our two girls today. She was able to give me a little info on how the girls came into care. The situation could be worse, but it is not great. The girls have their second visit with their mom tomorrow. After the 1st visit, the 2 yr old every once in a while would come up to (whoever) you and tell you that "mommy went bye-bye". It breaks my heart to hear her talk about her momma. She calls me momma too, so sometimes I'm not sure who she is talking about. I did learn that she (the 2 yr old) had been living with only her grandparents for about the month up to when she was taken. I knew there had been grandparents in her life because she would talk about them. Unfortunately she could not stay with them. There is a potential "aunt" that may get custody of them. The CPI is in the process of doing the homestudy for her.

Please keep these little girls in your prayers. A specific prayer is that they will always be together.

It looks like this case is going to move slow. I will update with new info as it comes.

Placement

2010-09-07T14:49:00.002-04:00

Looks like we will be getting two sisters tonight age 2 years old and 2 days old. A couple of friends were over when I got the call from placement. There were 8 children all under the age of 6 at my house at the time. One of my friends was holding one of the babies and just commented on how "blessed" she was. You know our children are blessed! They can play and be happy at home and really have no worries. Yet time after time we have taken these little ones who lives are just not that way. I feel BLESSED to be able to give these girls that blessing even if it is just for tonight! I know very little about where they are coming from. I do know that tonight they will be clean and fed and will be put to bed in their "own" beds. They will get to play freely with my girls and they WILL be LOVED!!

With every placement we get, I am more honored that God called Ron and I to take this journey. If you could, keep these little girls in your prayers. Thank you!

Waiting

2010-08-28T12:28:00.002-04:00

Not much new is going on around here. Our "temporary" placement went to his "permanent" placement last Friday. We are just waiting for the next phone call. We do have our annual Health Inspection scheduled for this Tuesday. I can not believe it has been a year since we first started this journey. Our training classes started right before school started last year and our girls just finished their first week of school. Time flies and soon enough we will have another placement.

Meeting new families

2010-08-11T15:57:00.002-04:00

I have spoken to our little guy's permanent foster mom twice today. What a neat way to be able to connect with other foster families. Who would have known that when I agreed to take this temporary placement that I would meet a foster family that (literally) lives right around the corner from us!! They are still on vacation in New York, but I have talked to this mom for almost 2 hours today! It looks like we will be keeping him another week so his foster mom can go to some training out of town. I am excited to meet and get to know this family. They have children that are around our girls ages and yet they have been foster parents for quite a few years. They are really good friends with one of our trainers we had when we were going through our training classes. I told this foster mom I would like to keep her in my "back pocket" so I have someone to go to for advice and encouragement. She has been so open and willing to share with me. So, while we will be sad to let this little guy go, I am confident he is going to a great place!!

5 Days Old...

2010-08-04T18:42:00.002-04:00

Our little bundle of joy is 5 days old today. He is a very sweet baby. He sleeps pretty good at night and the girls just love to hold him during the day. The sheriff's dept called me today and said they would be by to pick him up for a visit with his parents. This is pretty standard when a child is considered in "shelter" status. Well when the transporter brought him back and I asked him how the visit went, I was kind of shocked to hear the parents didn't show! Oh how I want to judge these people. I did meet with his case manager yesterday and unfortunately they have a history of not visiting with their 15 month old. It sounded like they (the parents) wanted it to be different with this new baby. Well, they are kind of starting off on the wrong foot.

Please pray for these babies. I know God has a plan for them!

Temporary Placement

2010-08-03T13:09:00.003-04:00

Yesterday we took in a 3 day old little angel. He came straight from the hospital. We will most likely only have him until August 14th. He has a sibling that is already in foster care with another family. They are on vacation right now. The case manager said "they have known about him coming and will probably take him". I told her if not, we would keep him. The other foster family lives in a neighborhood close to us, so even if we don't keep him, we might get to still see him.

Heartache

2010-07-23T07:24:00.002-04:00

Wow... is all I can say. I knew we would be sad to let our little man go. I never imagined the pain would be so great! I know he is where God has meant for him to go. Every child belongs with their family as long as they are safe and loved. I believe he is safe and is loved. Unfortunately those reassurances do not take away the pain of our loss. I listened to my little girls cry themselves to sleep last night. I never realized the affect it would have on them. My heart ached all over again for their loss and pain.

We will take another baby in. It is what we have been called to do. The pain of letting the child go is huge, but the rewards for caring for them and watching them thrive and grow is greater. With our little guy we gave him an awesome start in life. We watched him develop into a happy, healthy baby! I wouldn't trade that for anything!!

Thank you, Thank you for all your thoughts, support, and prayers.

Goodbye is never easy

2010-07-21T21:00:00.002-04:00

I just finished putting together a photo album that I will be giving to our little man's grandparents tomorrow. Oh how the tears just want to pour. Looking at how far he has come in the past 7 months fills my heart with joy. I definitely have no regrets for the time we have had him. I know in my heart that it is a wonderful blessing for him to be going to his grandparents. I feel so honored to been able to care for this little guy. All the the things he has accomplished while he has been here has been amazing. The little hurdles we have helped him jump have been rewarding. I am so grateful that God chose us to care for him!

We will be driving over to the east coast of Florida tomorrow afternoon. I know God has wonderful plans for this little guy. Please keep him, his grandparents, and his parents in your prayers. His mom has a case plan to work. There is still an opportunity for reunification with him in her future. Please keep us and our girls in your prayers. Tomorrow and the days following will be hard. He is worth every tear that will fall and I plan to do it all over again with the next baby God has in the wings waiting for us.

Court Today

2010-07-14T12:08:00.003-04:00

Well I just got off the phone with our Case Manager. The judge approved the modification of placement for our little guy to go live with his grandparents. We are going to be able to take him ourselves. They live on the east coast of Florida, so we will be driving over next Thursday the 22nd. I know this is what God has planned for him. My heart is heavy and my eyes are filled with tears, but I am excited for the next chapter of this little guy's life to start.

Our journey next week will probably be one of our hardest. Please continue to keep him and us in your prayers.

Modification of Placement

2010-07-07T09:59:00.002-04:00

I finally heard from our CM yesterday. She told me that the conference call went great with the grandparents and that she will be requesting a modification of placement for our little man. While my heart breaks into a million pieces, I firmly believe that this is the best decision for him. The grandparents have already met with a pediatrician and are in the process of finding childcare for him. Our little man deserves to be with his family. His grandparents sound like wonderful people and I am happy our little man will get to be a part of their lives.

Our CM told me the grandparents just have a little more paperwork to complete. Court is set for the 14th (next week) and this is when the request will be made. The judge still has the ultimate decision, so there is a slight chance he could not go. But for his sake, I hope the decision is for him to go. If the judge gives the ok, then the CM will help make the arrangements to place him. I have offered for Ron and I to take him to the grandparents. If the grandparents are not comfortable meeting us, I told her I respect their wishes and the CM can work out the trasporting. Please keep us and our little guy in your prayers. He is an easy going baby, so I don't feel he will have a hard time adjusting. I'm sure it will be us that will be having the harder time. Please be in prayer for the next baby that God has waiting in the wings to join our home. I am going to wait until the court date before we decide when we will take another baby in.

No Show Once Again

2010-06-30T12:02:00.002-04:00

Once again I took little man for a visit with his mom and she didn't show. She didn't show for her 90 day staffing yesterday either. Apparently on Monday at court, she told our CM that she was getting kicked out of where she was living and was once again having to find somewhere else to live. Our CM gave her a couple of suggestions. I am so grateful for the people who stepped up and reported his mom 6 months ago. I can only imagine what kind of life he would be living right now. I truly believe God has been watching over our little man and protecting him every minute of his life.

This Friday at 2pm, our case manager (CM) along with Family Finders will be having a conference call with little man's grandparents. They received their home study packet this week and have a few things that they want to go over with them. They may make a decision on Friday to place him with his grandparents (or not). I am asking for prayer over this matter. I do not want them to make a decision solely on "mom's" track record (which is not good at all). All I am asking is that God's will be done. I have total confidence that the "right" decision will be made. If the decision is made for him to be placed with the grandparents, then they must take it before the judge. The judge will have the final decision.

We will be at my sister's on Friday. I told our CM that I would give her a call later in the afternoon. I will post an update as soon as I am able. Thank you so much for your prayers :)

Court Hearing

2010-06-28T18:38:00.002-04:00

Today was another court day and I am pleased with the outcome. First, little man's mom showed up today. The judge agreed to reduce the visitation hours back to one hour a week. Yeah!! Also, the best news (I feel) is that "mom" consented to her allegations! This means the case will not go to trial and she will now begin to work a case plan. There is a court date for July 14th for the judge to approve the case plan. The judge also ordered that "mom" have a psych evaluation. It finally feels like things are progressing. Little man has a doctor's appointment tomorrow and a visit with mom on Wednesday. Then we leave for Atlanta on Thursday to visit my sister and her family over the 4th of July. We got approval to take little man with us :) Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, for all your continued support and prayers! I feel they have been heard and are very much appreciated.

45 Minutes Late

2010-06-24T15:46:00.003-04:00

This morning I drove little man to his visit with his mom. Her visit was scheduled for 9am. At 9:18 the case manager called me (I was sitting in the parking lot waiting) to let me know that mom had not arrived yet. She did tell me that mom's "fiance" called at 9:05 and said she was running 5-10 minutes late. I told the CM that I was willing to wait a few more minutes since she knew she was on the way. The CM proceeded to tell me that, no, she was going to go ahead and cancel the visit. She said that mom needs to learn that she has "simple" guidelines that she is to abide by. One being that she has up to 15 minutes to be late and then her visit will be cancelled. The CM called me sometime after 10am and told me that mom didn't show up until 9:45am. I am glad I didn't wait in the parking lot for 45 minutes. At the same time it is very frustrating to drive an hour to turn around and drive right back home. There is another 3 hour visit scheduled for tomorrow (today was supposed to be 3 hours). The CM is going to drive out here and pick little man up at 8am. I am praying that mom learned her lesson today and will show up on time tomorrow.

Home Study Complete

2010-06-22T20:05:00.002-04:00

I got a call from our CM (case manager) this evening needing me to help more in the transportation of our little man's visits this week. We also discussed that there is court on Monday and on Tuesday there is a 90 day staffing. Unfortunately I can not make the staffing due to little man having a doctor's appointment. I proceeded to ask her what was going on with the grandparent's home study. Apparently it has been completed and approved. The approval comes from the agency that performed the home study. Our CM told me that just because they approved it doesn't mean he will ultimately get placed there. The agency that our CM is through will make the ultimate placement decision.

I am asking that if you could just keep our little man's case in your prayers. I believe that the court hearing on Monday and the staffing on Tuesday could play into the decision that is made. Our CM and family finders will have a meeting with the grandparents explaining his needs and their concerns. I know that God is in control of our little man's life. I trust God in the decisions that will be made. I feel blessed to have my faith because it is so hard not having any control over the decisions that will be made. Thank you so much for your prayers!!

Pre-Trial (take 2)

2010-06-21T13:13:00.002-04:00

Today another pre-trial was scheduled for this morning. I got a call from our case manger around noon today. Our little guy's mom forgot about the court hearing and didn't show up. Our CM requested that his visitation hours go back to an hour a week. The judge said he would make that decision next Monday when they come back to set the trial date. Grrrr. So this week he still has to go for 6 hours. Unfortunately, that means his CM and I are having to jump through hoops to make it happen. So 3 hours on Thursday and 3 hours on Friday followed by an appointment with his GI. Praying some answers will come next Monday.

Not much is new

2010-06-19T06:41:00.002-04:00

Little man had another 6 hour visit with his mom last week. I'm not sure what has changed, but mom seems to not only be showing up and staying for her visits, but seems to be interacting well with little man. Maybe changing case managers has made an impact on her. Her court hearing is scheduled for this Monday. It is just a pre-trial so I am not sure what will come out of it.

Our other "little guy" (who's not so little) is with us until this Tuesday. For some reason I initially thought we only had him over the weekend (not quite sure what I was thinking). It has been very busy/crazy in our house. I am not sure how long this little one has been in foster care, but he definitely craves attention! He is very cute and our little one has enjoyed echoing his many squeals!! So needless to say it has been very loud around here too!!

Respite Care....

2010-06-12T16:19:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I got a call from our FDS, Kelsey, needing a favor. Apparently this family was all set to drive to Connecticut early yesterday morning with their foster children placed in other foster homes for respite care while they were gone. Kelsey called asking if we could take a 1 1/2 year old until Tuesday. The family lined up to take this little guy backed out at the last minute! I felt so bad for this family. I don't know the circumstances of why they weren't taking the child with them. You have to have parental permission and a court order in order to take a foster child out of state. Anyway, of course I said yes. I wish I could post pictures of him. He is so stinking cute and such a good baby. I took both of the little guys to BJ's today and had so many people offer to take them :) We have surely been blessed with these little people God keeps bringing into our home!

6 Hour Visit Today

2010-06-03T19:04:00.002-04:00

Well the day has finally arrived. Our little man spent 6 hours with his mom today. The case manager said he did wonderfully!! It just proves what a sweet, happy boy we have! Some interesting things came out in the visit regarding little man's mom and some choices she may be making in the future. We will see what happens. I am not going to post what her plans are but the case manager explained to her what it would mean if she made these choices.

The home study is almost complete on his grandparents. The case manager has requested that I email her with all his health concerns and possibly get some input from his pediatrician. She has a conference call with the grandparents on Monday and she wants to make sure that they have a clear understanding of his needs and make sure they will be capable of meeting his needs.

We have another 6 hour visit scheduled for next Thursday. Just two more of these until the next court hearing. The case manager is going to request less hours but we have agreed that if the hours stay the same, we will probably do 2 three hour visits a week.

Fun Times....

2010-05-30T11:42:00.002-04:00

Our little guy is already six months old!! I can't believe how time has flown by so fast. I just thought I would share some fun things he has been doing. A few weeks ago Ms. Maria (lady who comes from Early Steps every month to work on milestones with him) commented that God takes these children who didn't have the best start in life and just BLESSES them. I wouldn't have to agree more. We have the happiest baby on the planet. He wants to walk and doesn't even crawl or sit-up yet. He gets on his hands and flat feet and stays there. Then he'll eventually put his head on the ground like he is doing a head stand. He gets around without technically crawling (he just gets there). He is already cutting his SECOND tooth! His first one came through last week. Let me tell you this kid is a mega-drooling machine! He has a 100 watt smile that will melt anyone's heart. We have had many people tell us how fortunate he is that he came into our foster home. I say God blessed us by bringing him into our hearts and home! Its been an honor and a privilege to be able to care for him for as long as we have. Only God knows how long we will continue to have him. We treasure everyday we have with him.

Visit Today

2010-05-27T14:39:00.002-04:00

Little man actually got to see his mom today. She showed up at the office where his case manager works on Tuesday and asked for a visit. His case manager was in court, but the mom spoke with her supervisor. She told her there was a visit scheduled for today at 10am. The mom said she didn't have access to a phone and didn't have money to put minutes on her cell phone. His case manager called me in the afternoon on Tuesday and said that since mom made the trip to the office that we would go with it and see if she showed up today.

At 11am my phone rang and it was the case manager, already! I wasn't even out of Tampa yet and I was thinking the mom was already done (she was supposed to visit for 6 hours today. The case manager was calling to let me know that mom could only stay until 1pm (3 hours). Then at 12:15 the case manager called me telling me that little man was screaming and they didn't know what to do. She actually called to ask me if it was ok that they fed him his bottle an hour and a half early! Of course I told her anything to try to get him to settle down. I also told her he most likely was tired and just wanted to be in a bed! It is so nice to have a case manager who listens to me and actually understands that babies like to keep a schedule!! (Especially if the baby is used to having a routine.)

On another note, the previous case manager told our new case manager that the pre-trial was scheduled for June 1st. It is actually scheduled for June 21st. So now we have 3 more weeks of accommodating mom with 6 hours a week. The case manager offered to try to get an earlier court hearing (but most likely won't happen). I told her it was ok. We can deal with the next 3 weeks. I'm just excited that we are keeping Thursday's at 10am. Mom is also being given the chance to understand that her visit is already scheduled and she will not have to call and confirm since she doesn't have access to a phone. The case manager told her if she no-showed that it would be back to her having to confirm 24 hrs in advance. So we will see how next week goes.

No visit this week

2010-05-19T18:46:00.002-04:00

I talked with our new case manager today and she had not been in contact with mom. She has left messages for her and she said she is going to mail her a letter to the shelter she is living in. The visit was scheduled for 10am tomorrow and she gave mom until 5pm to call and confirm that she would be there. Mom did not show up for her parenting class last Friday either. The case manager isn't sure what is going on. We are going to try again for next Thursday. I am so excited that our visits are going to be scheduled for the same day and time every week. Yeah!!

I did ask her what was going on with Family Finders and the grandparents. She said the grandparents are very willing to take in our little guy. They are going forward with the home study. My heart has been aching for this little guy this week. Part of me just doesn't want to let him go. A friend of mine who is also a foster parent posted some powerful words today on her blog. She has a little guy that is just a few months older than our little guy and his mom has been working her case plan. There is a pretty good chance he will get to go back with his mom down the road. She posted these words: " I know that I know that I know that I know that God will be with him and that I have done all that He wanted me to do... no regrets". These words were very powerful to me. Again, it all goes back to just putting our faith and trust in Him.

On another note, we had his 6 month check up today. He is looking good. I feel he is a skinny little thing, but his weight has been consistently going up and he is in the 75th percentile for his height. Guess is going to be tall and skinny. Since his reflux has not improved and he is still congested, we are going to see a GI doctor on Monday. From there, we will go the allergy route, if the GI says he is ok.

New Case Manager

2010-05-17T09:49:00.003-04:00

I just hung up the phone with our current case manager. She called to let me know that another case manager would be taking over our case. Our old case manager has decided that she wants to continue being a Reunification Specialist and not a case manager. I have met the new case manager before. She should be calling me sometime this afternoon. I am looking forward to what she has to say and what direction our case may take with our little man. Our God is an AWESOME God!

No Show Once Again

2010-05-14T13:32:00.002-04:00

Yesterday little man left our house at 7:30am via another case manager who lives in our area. I went about my morning and thought, wow, maybe the court hearing did something for mom because I hadn't gotten a call that she did not show up. He was supposed to have a 6 hour visit so I made plans with a girlfriend and we went to town for the afternoon. I had asked my case manager the day before to call me to let me know when they were on their way home (knowing I had made plans) so I would get home in time (the office is about an hour away from where we live). A little bit before two my case manager calls me and asks if I am home. I told her no, that I was on my way home and asked if they were on their way. She told me the other case manager was waiting at my house with little man. GRRRR!! I asked her why she didn't call me after I specifically had asked her to. She simply apologized and said she didn't think about it. So then I proceeded to ask how the visit went. She informed me that mom was a no call/no show. WHAT!!! I then asked her what she did with little man for the past 5-6 hours. She said, oh he saw family finders and they called the grandmother...... That was it. For SIX hours!! I was very upset. When I got to the house I apologized to the other case manager for not being there, but she already knew it wasn't my fault. I asked her why she thought they had kept him at the office for so long. She told me "honestly, they were waiting for me to get back from court so I could bring him since I live out here". All I wanted to do at that point was SCREAM!! Are you serious? Do they not understand what he is like when he has been gone for over 6 hours? Its makes our evenings miserable. To top it off they conveniently brought him back just in time for me to turn around and have to put him back in the car to go get my oldest from school. He did not need another 45 minutes in his car seat!! The case manager that brought him back told me that she or another case manager (whom I have met and like) will most likely take over his case. I have been able to talk to both of these ladies at length about his case (because they have either picked him up or dropped him off for visits) and they both feel these long visits are crazy and there is no consistency week to week. I didn't realize that some of the craziness could have possibly been due to our case manager. I like her, but I knew she was also new at being a case manager. I am hoping to see some changes over the next couple weeks.

Please pray for our little man and his case. I just want him to be in a stable environment. There is clearly no bonding going on with mom. He has bonded with our family and the longer things are drug out the harder it is ultimately going to be on him. I have a lot of selfish desires right now when it comes to him. We love him so much. He is as much a part of our family as our girls. I know God has a mighty hand and He will bless this child in ways we could never imagine. It is so hard living in the unknown. Our faith is totally in God. I pray God gives us the strength to deal with whatever comes our way.

Court Hearing

2010-05-12T20:27:00.002-04:00

Today was another court hearing for our little man. I am guessing it would be considered more of a status review. The judge that was supposed to be there and has been the judge for all the hearings was out today. The case manager told me that made her a little nervous having someone else preside over the case. Thankfully what this judge had to say made sense. The CM went in asking that the mom's visitation hours be reduced back to 1 hour a week since she hasn't hardly even been showing up and has never completed 6 hours in one week. The judge, on the other hand, said he wanted to keep the 6 hours a week. He told the mom the reason why is that this is the crucial "bonding" time for her and her son. If she wants reunification to be successful at some point, she needs to be able to build a bond with him now. I totally agree with the judge and therefore will endure the crazy nights when he is gone all day. My prayer is that mom will step up and be there for the whole 6 hours every week. She has a chance tomorrow, as he is going for a "long" visit.

The case is going back to trial in June. As always, I feel God had his perfect hand in this whole situation. Because the first trial was "postponed" it has given our CM's attorneys time to find one of the "witnesses" from when the mom was first investigated. This is huge in the case. Part of the reason why the case has gone the way it has was because none of the "witnesses" could be located to be requested for the trial. I am not sure of the date for the next trial, but I will post it as soon as I know.

Thank you for your continued support and prayers!

Good-bye Little Princess

2010-05-08T07:44:00.002-04:00

Well our little princess was placed with her Aunt yesterday. We always knew this was a possibility. On Wednesday after her parent's court hearing, her case manager called to let me know that the home study had been completed and that she could be placed with the aunt. Apparently her CPI would be calling me. On Thursday morning I emailed her case manager and told him I hadn't heard anything else and that I still had her. He called me back later and said she would be picked up sometime Friday morning. Friday morning came and went and she was still with me. I called her case manager around 1 pm and asked if he knew anything. They were waiting for the aunt to get a crib and that he would be the one coming to get her. He called back and said he would be here about 4 pm. He finally showed up at 4:45 to get her.

It is sometimes hard to see these babies come and go. We don't really get much of a say in a situation like this. We enjoyed the time we got to be with her. I pray that we had a positive impact on her young life that will somehow continue to stay with her as she gets older.

Great Visit

2010-05-04T08:39:00.002-04:00

Little man had a good visit yesterday with his grandparents and one of his uncles. It seems like his grandparents not only want him but want to really help his mom out. I guess they do have rules they expect mom to abide by and that may be why mom is not wanting their help. Either way, the case manager had nice things to say about them. They also expressed that if/when they get our little man, they would like to stay in contact with us. That made me feel good and saw that they appreciate and respect that he is coming from a home who loves him and will miss him terribly.

The next step is that they have to go through background checks and a home study. A lot also depends on what the judge rules next week in his mom's court hearing. All we can do is trust God that everything will come together for the good of this little guy. I have total faith in God that the right decision will be made.

Thank you again for all your continued prayers and support. We are truly blessed!!

New Week

2010-05-02T12:07:00.002-04:00

Well tomorrow starts another busy week in our household. Our little man is taking another trip tomorrow to meet more of his extended family. I am excited for him but at the same time a little sad. I hope one of these family meetings will bring him together with family members that will be able to take him in and support him. His mom unfortunately just has not been doing her part. I continue to only want what is best for him. I could be selfish and feel that we are all he needs. Bottom line, though, he needs to be with his family. They will be able to help him understand better where he came from and why he is where he is. Maybe if he is with family his mom will see that her family is there to support and help her. (This is what they have voiced so far). This process will not happen over night, so he will still continue to bond and grow close to us.
I love this age that he is at. He has fun playing by himself. He also knows us and reaches for us to be held. Let me tell you, this little boy has the biggest smile that would melt anyone's heart!!

As for our little princess, she is almost 8 weeks old. She does NOT like to be in her car seat. Unfortunately for her, we are in the car at least 3 times a day taking the girls to and from school. We are still trying to figure each other out. She does great at night, so I really can't complain.
Tomorrow I have to figure out what happen to her medicaid. I took her to the doctor the end of last week. Unfortunately the thrush she came with is still there. They gave me another prescription, but when I went to have it filled yesterday they told me she was on an HMO and not covered by medicaid. Apparently something happened on the 1st of the month. I was so frustrated cause she needs the medication! My friend went through a similar experience with her foster baby and I recall it being a pain and a timely process to get switched back :(

No Show

2010-04-28T13:12:00.002-04:00

Today our little man had a visit scheduled with his mom through the visitation program. They have tried the visitation program in the past but mom has never showed. This was her last chance to be able use them to supervise her visits. I showed up there with him 15 mins before his scheduled time. She was supposed to be there a half hour before the appointment time. We waited until the actual time and she never showed. The visitation program was a great solution to helping fulfill mom's 6 hours of visitation each week. They were willing to do 4 hours a week and her case manager would do the other 2. Now I am not sure what is going to happen. In the past 3 weeks, she has only had 3 hours worth of visits. His case manager will be coming tomorrow to visit us, so I will see what she has to say. His mom's next court hearing is May 12th.

As for our little princess, I took her to the doctor today and she is a little over 10 pounds. There isn't too much going on with her right now. Her parent's court hearing is May 5th. After that we will know more.

Where does the time go?

2010-04-20T08:49:00.002-04:00

Here we are the 20th of April. I have this handsome little guy who is already 5 months old! We added a beautiful little princess a week ago who is 6 weeks old. We have had a few sleepless nights but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Little man went for a visit this past Saturday that was supposed to be for 6 hours since we were on vacation the whole week before. His mom called and confirmed Friday morning that she would be there. Well at 10:18 Saturday morning his case manager called to tell me mom was a no show. So after he had just ridden an hour for his visit, I had to go drive an hour to pick him up and then bring him back home. The case manager set up another visit yesterday at a mall in Tampa (anything to get them out of the confining four walls at the office). Apparently she picked mom up and I met them there. The case manager started asking mom what her plans were for her little guy because she has only been 50% compliant on her tasks she needs to complete. Well mom couldn't give her an answer and when the case manager starting listing off the way this case could possibly go, mom got mad and left. The mom doesn't want the baby to go to the grandparents, but a home study has been requested. Mom has yet to find stable housing or stable income which is part of her task plan. In the mean time, little man is as happy and cute as ever!! We love every day with him. I just continue to ask God to lead this little guy to the right open door.

As for our princess, looks like she will possibly be with us for a while. Unfortunately mom has had Princess' older siblings taken away before. I have already met with her case manager and he actually worked mom's case last time. He is dealing with the same reasons again for why her kids were taken away. It is very sad. So we will be honored to love her and take care of her for as long as we need.

Family Visit

2010-04-06T19:38:00.001-04:00

Our little guy took a ride over to the East Coast to meet some of his biological family. The lady from Family Finders told us that the meeting was "interesting". I am not sure how to interpret that. I guess we will find out over the next few weeks how this will all play.

Little guy is supposed to go for a visit tomorrow. His 4 hour visit that was supposed to happen this past Saturday was cancelled due to mom not confirming she was going to be there. We will see if she shows up tomorrow.

Sick little guy

2010-04-02T11:06:00.002-04:00

I was up all night with one little miserable guy. He had been running a fever and has a cold. We went to the doctor this morning and came home with antibiotics for an ear infection and a nebulizer to help with his breathing. Praying for a speedy recovery! Its just not the same to be met with tears and agony versus the beautiful smiles I usually get.

Care Manager Visit

2010-04-01T10:23:00.002-04:00

Today we had a visit from little man's case manager. It looks like he is going to get to meet his grandparents and some of his aunts and uncles next week. I of course am having mixed feelings about this. It sounds like the family is very eager to meet him and be a part of his life.

His mom does not know yet. The case manager was hoping to be able to tell her in person today. In the past she was not happy about the baby going to her parents. Either way, the baby will at least go see them next week. I asked the case manager how that would help in mom being able to work towards being back with the baby if the baby was 3 -4 hours away. She said that would definitely come into play. Mom of course has to "want" to see the baby, which unfortunately lately she hasn't been showing up for visits or has been hours late to them.

Please continue to pray for our little guy. As I have always stated, we want what is best for him. We definitely have our selfish desire for him to just stay right here. Things will unfold slowly, so it will be weeks or even months before any changes take place (if they do).

Why we are on this journey

2010-04-01T09:20:00.004-04:00

BELOW IS AN ARTICLE POSTED ABOUT A FOSTER FAMILY. THIS IS WHY WE ARE DOING THIS. TO KNOW NO MATTER THE AGE OF THE CHILD OR LENGTH OF TIME WE HAD THEM FOR, WE HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE IN THE LIFE OF A CHILD:

http://www.thekansan.com/news/x1176895245/ADOPTION-STORIES-Foster-child-remembers-being-rocked<span style="font-style:italic;">Newton Kansan
Posted Mar 27, 2010 @ 08:00 AM
NEWTON —
In the 1980s, my husband and I and our children, Heather and Zack, fostered several children. One was a little 3-year-old named Crystal. We had her for several months, then she went back to her mom. We had asked if she ever came back into foster care we wanted to have her back.

Time went on and I learned, sadly, she was in and out of foster care, then finally adopted when she was 15.

In 1998, I received a wedding announcement with a picture of her. I couldn’t imagine how she had been able to contact me as she was so little when we had her. I called over to Youthville and talked to the worker who had placed her with us so many years before. She also had received an invitation.

I asked how Chrystal had been able to identify and find me. The worker said she had received a phone call from the adoptive mother, who had made many calls to locate her. The mom said Crystal had said she wanted her foster mother to come to the wedding. Since she was only 3 and 4 when we had her and she had had several foster moms, the mother told the worker all Crystal remembered was there was a mom and a dad and a boy and a girl, black dogs and kittens.

She said the foster mom would rock her and read and sing to her. The worker remembered we had Heather and Zack and black Labs and kittens and replied to the adoptive mom that the foster mother had to be Shirley Fisher.

The worker and I drove from Newton to Phillipsburg to the wedding.

When I walked in, Crystal looked at me, smiled and came running and threw her arms around me. She said with all the foster homes she had been in, she never forgot me rocking her and reading and singing to her.

What a joy, after all those years, to know I had made a memorable difference

Staffing

2010-03-24T14:44:00.002-04:00

Today was the 90 day staffing for our little guy. Basically this means that anyone who has a part in his case comes together to review where they are in the case. I was able to be a part of the meeting via the phone. Some interesting things came out in this meeting.

The last time mom had a visit with the little guy was about two weeks ago. She was an hour late to her 3 hour visit and then slept through the last hour. They questioned her about if she was the one that requested the 6 hour weekly visits. She said yes. They told her it was highly unusual that 6 hours a week was granted and that it looked like it was too much for her and the baby to handle. They asked her why she hadn't been to any other scheduled visits over the last two weeks. She stated that she has been trying to find a job and stable housing (definitely a good thing). She didn't show up for her visit yesterday, hopefully she will show for her visit tomorrow.

They had a supervisor from a resource called "Family Finders". She has apparently located the grandmother of our little guy. Unfortunately, mom was very adamant that the baby not go to their house. Apparently her step-dad had hurt her 5 yr old son and that is why they no longer live there. On the fortunate side, I guess she is content that he is with us. I do know that they also have found out that the mom has 5 siblings. Not sure if maybe one of them would be "ok'd" by mom to keep the baby. I guess time will tell.

The mom has apparently taken the intake for parenting at the counseling center and should start taking classes this week. I hope she follows through and sees how important this step is in getting her son back.

Please pray for our little guys mom. She was very emotional especially when they had asked her how long it had been since she had seen the baby. I want to believe she is trying to do the right things. My prayers is that through this meeting they have showed her how important it is to stay on top of her tasks so she can keep moving forward.

Please also pray for us. We are absolutely head over heels in love with this little guy. We only want what is best for him.

4 Months Old

2010-03-18T12:46:00.003-04:00

Today our little man is 4 months old. What a little ham we have! He is so much fun right now. Anytime anyone starts talking to him he will just put on the biggest smile he has. He also has some new found tricks. He can roll front to back and back to front. He prefers being on his tummy. When he gets on his tummy, he gets his little legs underneath him and thinks he is going to go somewhere. I have a feeling in the next month he will be crawling, already! The girls love "playing" with him. He gets a kick out of them too.

We have had a busy few days this week. Yesterday he was evaluated by the Early Steps program out at USF. They evaluate 5 areas which are basically milestones he should be reaching. We initially had been concerned about his hearing and vision which is more medical but we were still referred to this program. He actually was average or above average in all areas but in the "skill" area he failed. I actually took this as a good thing because since he failed he gets to be a part of this program. He is lazy when we feed him (most of the time) and doesn't put his hands towards his bottle. They know he is young and it will probably not be much of a concern. However, since he failed, this program is going to send someone out to my house once a month just see his progress. The best part is that if/when he is reunified with his mom, they are going to put in their report that they will bump up the visits to once a week. I really felt that this is a blessing in that these people will be able to come out to where he is living and work with his mom. I was so excited about this!!

Today we went for his 4 month check up and his has been a growing boy. He is in the 50th percentile for his height and weight. This is great especially since he doesn't keep his food down very well. He was officially diagnosed with reflux today. They put him on baby zantac and he is going to be reassessed in 3 weeks. We are also going to try baby cereal to see if some thicker food going in will keep some from coming back out.

We also had a visit from his case manager today. Apparently his mom had until the 16th of this month to find a new place to live. As of today, she still hasn't found anywhere. Thankfully the place she has been living has allowed her to stay a couple more days. The case manager is doing everything she can to help her locate housing. Unfortunately, mom has no income so it really limits where she can go.

I ask that you would pray that mom finds a place to live and that she would follow through with the evaluations she needs to complete. Once she gets these evaluations done, she is a step closer in being reunited with her baby permanently. She has to be the one who schedules her appointments and she has already been offered transportation.

As always, thanks for keeping up with us. What a journey we have been on. We continue to be blessed by this little man and are grateful for the days we get to spend with him.

Visitation Cancelled

2010-03-16T22:54:00.002-04:00

As you know, last weeks meeting in the court resulted in little man's mom being awarded 6 hours of visitation per week. It was planned that she would do 3 hours last Tuesday and then 3 hours last Friday. Mom showed up an hour late for her visitation on Tuesday and called Thursday to cancel her Friday visitation.

In trying to figure out who would be supervising her visits and where, the case manager was informed there was a visitation program that would assist in supervising some visits. She got mom signed up for this week, getting to have 2 hours tomorrow and 2 hours on Thursday. On Thursday little man has his 4 month check up and mom wants to be at all his check-ups. So the doctor's appt would count toward her visitation hours. I got a call today from the case manager confirming our dates and times. She thought mom was thinking the doctors appt was tomorrow, so she told me she would follow-up with her to make sure she showed up on the right day. Well about 20 minutes later I got another phone call from the case manager that mom has cancelled both visitation appts and will not be coming to the doctors appt.

I am asking that as you keep us in your prayers that you would also pray for little man's mom. I have always stated that my prayer is always what is best for our little man. I don't know or understand all the circumstances. I just have to keep trusting God that He has a plan and in His time it will be revealed.